Shahida Arabi

60. Are you more emotionally stable when you’re single or in a relationship?

PTSD and Complex PTSD aren’t just reserved for war veterans. Those who suffer psychological war zones in the form of abuse and assault can be just as susceptible to their symptoms.

Those who are taught by their life circumstances that they will continue to be terrorized despite their efforts to overcome adversity might give in to a sense of powerlessness instead. This is a phenomenon known as “learned helplessness.”

Avoidance of social interactions and intimate relationships. Excessive feelings of low self-esteem, shame and inadequacy. Withdrawal from situations where one is likely to be criticized. Hypersensitivity to rejection. These are just some of the traits of Avoidant Personality Disorder. But it goes beyond just anxiety or shyness.

The malignant narcissists and sociopaths who walk among you are probably people you know and like – and if you haven’t personally been victimized by them, you’re none the wiser.

We forget to give ourselves permission to dislike someone, to address conflict, to confront issues, or even just to acknowledge when someone has reached epic levels of douchebaggery.

The art of the subtle sabotage, much like the art of the pity ploy, is used to stage an environment of psychological warfare. It’s a set of manipulations within the abuse cycle that leads to an elaborate game of chess – if chess were an epic, elaborate game of mindf*ckery that is.

The truth is that narcissists are very adept at impression management – in managing the ways others perceive them. They will appear to praise their victims in public, all while criticizing and demeaning them in private. They will provoke their victims into emotionally reacting – and they will use their reactions to the abuse to depict them as “unhinged.”

She’ll leave when she’s finally had enough. And when she walks away, she’ll walk away for good.

Ask yourself: which moments am I romanticizing? Which moments am I forgetting? I’ll bet that if you look closely, you won’t just remember those romantic trips and dates, but also the crazymaking arguments preceding them. If you reevaluate all those times they bought you flowers and gifts, you’ll also remember the countless times you cried yourself to sleep, trying to get them to understand your point of view.

The narcissistic female’s rage is not unlike the narcissistic man’s in intensity, but because of social stigma surrounding female anger, the narcissistic female may communicate her rage in more subtle ways.

“Love isn’t supposed to be painful. Let yourself feel whatever it is you feel and get through it – there is joy to be had. Loneliness is not a good reason to invite toxic people back into your life.”