If it’s a device, delete it.

I’m going to spend the night tanning, exfoliating and then staring at myself hatefully in the mirror before treating myself to a Skinny Girl margarita and crying myself to sleep.

What happened guys? You used to be cool.

Why the hullabaloo over my $300 anti-aging neck moisturizer?? Just kidding. (Or am I?)

Live human contact is slowly becoming a thing of the past. It’s gotten to the point where when someone calls me (instead of sending me a text), I think something…

Fanny. Sorry but that word does not mean butt. It means vagina.

12. Go on a long ass drive alone. Play all your favorite songs and coast with one hand out the window as you rip past.

Chances are if you’re reading this, then you’re not in middle school anymore. If you are, then stop reading right now because you must preserve your reputation for “coolness.”

12. The innocent hair twirl

So you’ve decided to do what everyone else is doing and buy a longboard to cruise around town. But why are you not getting respect from real skaters, or what…

7. You have walked into things, people, parked and or moving cars while staring down at your phone.

No but like seriously, can you not? I literally just got a pap smear and I realllllllly don’t want to go back to the gyno, at least not ’til I’m…