I’ve taken the initiative to write you a list of helpful tips that will hopefully get you on your way to becoming a better, brighter, less racist version of yourself.

At my sister’s birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese’s. She was ignoring me so I punched her in the stomach and she said, “I hate you! You’re the worst thing to ever happen to this family.”

You text me at 2 AM. I’m already in bed with another guy. Still, the sight of your name on the screen of my phone is enough to jumpstart my heart in a way that he never could. You ask me to come over.

If it’s about losing weight DON’T EAT YOGURT.

Test your logic skills.

Short ‘dos are straight forward. Not a ton of room for creative expression, which can actually be a good thing because long hair’s kind of like a mood ring.

People say really mean things to each other.

Want to be an awesome airline passenger and have the flight attendants fawning all over your awesomeness?

You have found yourself saying you want to marry into a big family.

I lived with my fiancé for nearly eighteen months before moving abroad, and in all that time living together, guess what, we never had our first fight until a few months into our travels.

Americans are weird, at least, that’s what foreigners tell us.

I cannot lie and say that there are some things I hate about these classes, and 99% of them have to do with the people I encounter.