Tbh, I Still Think About Marrying You

I know, I know.

It’s been years since you and I were together.

I know that we’ve moved on – dated other people, changed cities, advanced our lives as independent units who don’t make decisions as a team anymore. I know that we’re both doing well on our own. Thriving at it, even. Killing it professionally and personally and it’s no mystery to either of us that the other is happy and accomplished.

And so we’re not meant to miss each other anymore, right?

We’re supposed to have closed that chapter. Pushed each other out of our minds. Moved on to bigger, better things.

But here’s the thing – I’m not sure there is something better for me out there when it comes to love.

Lord knows I’ve attempted to find it. I’ve tried my luck elsewhere. I know you have too. I’ve had enticing first dates and tantalizing first kisses and whirlwind romances that swept me off my feet, for at least a short period of time.

But if I’m being entirely honest, nothing has ever really compared to you. To us. To what we had, when we were together.

And if I’m being a lot more honest than I’m comfortable with, I still can’t picture myself marrying anyone other than you.

I can’t picture myself walking down the aisle toward anyone else’s smiling face. Handing a screaming baby over to anyone else’s arms. Fitting my wrinkled hand into someone else’s at ninety years old and reflecting on a damn good life spent together.

I have yet to meet someone who makes me consider a future the way you once did. Someone who pushes me, every day, to become a better version of myself. Someone who loves me at my best and my worst. Someone who I’d be proud to see my children model themselves after. Someone who I’d be excited – not terrified – to grow old alongside.

I know that we’re supposed to be out here making the most of life without each other. I know we’re supposed to be dating other people, pursuing other goals and gunning towards the lives we just couldn’t provide for one another.

But the thing is, no matter how much time passes, I still can’t picture my future with anyone other than you.

After all of these years, you still feel like home.

And I can’t help but wonder whether you still think about marrying me, too.