This Is From The Girl Who Is Hopelessly In Love With The Idea Of Knowing You

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. Our paths in this life have never crossed, but for some reason, there’s this unshakable feeling in my gut… the feeling that I should know you, the feeling that I was meant to know you, the feeling that it would be so incredibly nice to know you.

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. But I want you to know that I have a hard time with words. More specifically, I have a hard time using words to express how I feel. Words have the maddening tendency to defy me, they materialize in my brain and get stuck in my head and refuse to leave my mouth most of the time. As a result, I get lost in an endless sea of my own thoughts. As a result, I’m perceived by the rest of the world as closed-off and cage-y.

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. But I want you to know that I’m not someone who can give away my time and affection to another person easily. I never learned how. I haven’t known much love in my life; what I’ve seen and experienced has only left me feeling empty, rejected, and alone. As a result, I’ve built up fortresses around my heart out of the self-perceived necessity to protect myself from getting hurt. As a result, it is next to impossible for me to let myself feel anything for anyone. Ever.

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. But I want you to know that the thought of you sends every part of my body into overdrive…my lungs forget how to breathe and my hands forget how to move and my knees forget how to hold me steady. At first, I thought maybe it was a freak accident, but every moment since the first moment I saw you has only served to prove how wrong I was. The sight of you steals the breath from my lungs and the blood from my chest. Every time.

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. But I want you to know all of my deepest secrets, the things I can’t bring myself to say out loud, the things I’m scared as hell to admit to anyone else. I don’t know you, but I know that all of my words belong to you. I don’t know you, but I know that I would dedicate every second of every minute of every hour of every day to you. I don’t know you, but I know that I would break down every wall I’ve ever built inch-by-agonizing-inch to let you in. I don’t know you, but I know that you ignited a fire in my soul.

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. But I want you to know that I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to know you. I want to know the shape of your mouth when you laugh at a cheesy joke. I want to know the sound of your voice in the morning when it’s still soaked in sleepiness. I want to know the joyful look that floods your face when your favorite song comes on the radio. I want to know what it feels like to hold your hand in mine as we walk down a crowded street together. I want to know what it would be like to be a witness to your life. I want to know what it would be like to live inside your heart. I want to know what it would be like to be the person who loves you.

I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. Our paths in this life have never crossed, but I hope that somehow you read this and know that these words are meant for you and only you. Because you are the nicest thing I have ever seen. And I want you to know that each of my days begin and end with the thought of knowing you. And I want you to know that I am certain that I will spend the rest of my life wanting to know you.