This Is From The Girl Who Misses You

I suppose I should start by saying that I’m writing you this letter without any hope or agenda other than to be honest and tell you the truth. I’m not going to try to convince you to be with me. I know that I shouldn’t have to convince you to be with me – that should be a decision you come to on your own. I’m also hesitant because I have a sneaking suspicion that what I have to say will completely blow up in my face; that is, you will end up telling me that we shouldn’t speak or see one another, which is the last thing I would want to happen.

The fact of the matter is that I’m not over you and I’m not over not being with you. I mean, obviously there’s no definitive timeline to map out how long “getting over” someone will take because, in my somewhat limited experience, if you have genuine feelings for someone then those feelings don’t just magically disappear after a certain amount of time. If anything, it just gets easier being without that person.

I guess I just feel like as soon as I walked out of your apartment the night you broke up with me you were completely fine. And, if that’s the case, then I just feel like even more of a fool for not being fine. Furthermore, this is hard for me because when we were dating I never let on how much I really cared about you because I understood and respected (or at least did my best to respect) the kind of relationship you wanted. And, in trying to give you what you wanted and not be too serious, I sometimes came across as cage-y.

I know you don’t do deep emotions, so you should probably brace yourself for what I’m about to say next… As cliché as I don’t want this to sound (because you deserve so much more than banal, cliché expressions)… I think you are an insanely amazing person. So amazing, in fact, that just being around you (hell, just thinking about being around you) makes me feel like somehow everything is going to be okay.

For me, it’s as simple as: people click or they don’t. And I get that you most likely don’t share this sentiment, but with you something clicked for me from the very beginning. I didn’t have to worry about saying the right thing or doing the right thing when we were together. There just wasn’t any rudimentary bullshit or artificiality that generally coincides with dating someone.

At this point, you’re probably wondering what’s the point? Why am I saying all this? Well, you being such an amazing person just makes reconciling not being with you that much more difficult. I know, I know… I’m only 22 years old and have a whole lifetime of relationships ahead of me. What does this one relationship really mean in the grand scheme of things? The answer is: I don’t know. But I know that I like you. I know that I like spending time with you whether it’s for five minutes or five hours. I know that you’re the one person I want to talk about my day with. I know that you cross my mind on a semi-regular basis for no reason at all. I know that waking up next to you felt exactly where I belonged. And I know that I wish I could somehow be the cause of your happiness. I wish I could call you home.

I want you to know that I’m not trying to combat your reasons for breaking it off. If I’m not what you want, then I’m not what you want. The worst of it is that there is absolutely nothing I can do it about. We tried, we gave it a chance and – for you – it just didn’t work. So, what option do I have other than to suck it up and deal? There are certainly things that I can control, but I can’t change your mind. I can’t make you feel something for me if you simply don’t. So, maybe – hopefully – it’ll get easier and I won’t hurt so much being without you. You should also know that I’ll always think good things of you and the time I had with you. You were always worth it. You were always enough. And, for whatever it’s worth, if ever you’re feeling lonely or having a dark and stormy kind of day… you can be sure that there’s a girl not so far away who misses you.