35 Straight Men Confess The ‘Gayest’ Thing They’ve Ever Done
"I once held hands in a circle with nine other guys while we both danced to and sang along with Shania Twain's ‘I Feel Like a Woman.’"
1. I once held hands in a circle with nine other guys while we both danced to and sang along with Shania Twain’s ‘I Feel Like a Woman.’
“I once held hands in a circle with nine other guys while we both danced to and sang along with Shania Twain‘s ‘I Feel Like a Woman.’ We’re all quite straight but I’ll be damned if every single one of us didn’t know every word to that song.”
2. Jerked it to Owen Wilson’s nose.
“Jerking it to Owen Wilson. It’s the nose.”
3. Dick-slapping contest in the hockey-rink shower room.
“The showers at the hockey rink. It became a game of who could sneak up on the other and slap them with their dick.”
4. I licked whipped cream off a friend’s finger.
“My friend was spitting his best game to three girls and he was trying to get one of them to lick the whipped cream off of his finger when I walked by with another girl and I licked it off with one swipe. He hit me hit so hard it tickled the bone.”
—OG_Bill_brasky
5. Danced in my underwear at a gay club during pride week.
“Danced in my underwear at a gay club during pride week. It was a pants optional night and me and my also straight friend were the first 2 to drop trou. Then proceeded to get hit on by a gay guy and have to explain I was straight. Gay guy also snapped my undies to peek at my dick, which he loudly approved of to his friends, so thank you, gay man. Wound up taking home a bisexual girl’s phone number. Could have taken her home instead, except we both thought one another were gay and only found the following day we were both down. So I officially did better at my first gay bar than at any other bar or club ever.”
6. I banged him. No homo.
“It was my gay Hispanic friend’s birthday and I forgot he was visiting from Chicago. He’s got a huge crush on me so I banged him. He never found out that I forgot that it was his birthday or that I forgot the gift. No homo.
7. Accidentally bought skim milk.
“I once accidentally bought skim milk instead of whole milk.”
8. I played in a glam-punk band.
“Back in the late 80’s through the mid 90’s I was in what could be described as a ‘glam-punk’ band. So there was a lot of makeup, cross-dressing, and bondage style. We also had a pretty large gay following and none of us in the band were at all uncomfortable flirting with guys even though none of us were even a little gay.”
9. ‘Kiss ya later, man.’
“I work in a liquor store, when a customer is paying I usually think up a phrase to say goodbye in advance, etc.
*Old lady – ‘Have a nice day’
*Young guy – ‘See ya, man’
Anyway, this guy in his 30’s with tattoos comes in, I myself have a shaved head large body frame and tattoos. As he’s paying I’m thinking I’ll say ‘catch ya later’ when he finishes paying.
And before I can say it he beats me and says ‘catch ya’ … I really don’t like repeating people and went to switch it to ‘see ya’ but ended up saying ‘kiss ya’ and it sounded very clearly as kiss. Dude stopped before reaching the door and noticed. I tried laughing it off but he looked really uncomfortable.”
10. Met my new roommate and immediately thought ‘holy shit, that is one sexy motherfucker.’
“Just a few hours ago. Met my new roommate and immediately thought ‘holy shit, that is one sexy motherfucker.’”
11. Jerked off together in the same room watching Playboy Channel.
“Me and one of my buddies used to stay up late and watch all the Playboy Channel previews in the early hours of the morning when we were young. It was a good 10 minutes of clips before it went back to the logo and replayed the video.
He’d be in his bed and I’d be in a sleeping bag on the floor. Both whacking it at different sides of the room to these 10-minute previews.
We never spoke of what we were doing. Kind of had an unspoken bond.”
12. Army exam butt-cheek spread.
“In 1965, at the medical examination for the Army, they made us stand in a circle, pull our shorts down, bend over and spread our cheeks. Meantime, the doctor is in the center of the circle checking everyone’s butthole out (for hemorrhoids, I assume). It was funny when one wise guy whispered ‘Fire.’”
13. Kissed, sucked some dick, that sort of stuff.
“Went to a bathhouse with a friend of mine one drunken night. Kissed, sucked some dick, that sort of stuff. Didn’t find it appealing.”
14. Me and a friend gave each other hickeys.
“A male friend of mine gave me a hickey on the neck while we were drunk. It was pretty funny, so I gave him one the next time we were out.”
15. Let guys buy me drinks at a gay bar.
“Getting a bunch of drinks bought for me at a gay bar.
It made me feel like a pretty lady.”
16. Slurped up Go-Gurt like it was cum.
“I tried to open a Go-Gurt once and it popped off in my face and my first reaction was to quickly put my mouth on it catching all the Gurt. I looked up and said to my friend, ‘Man, I’d be good at sucking dick.’”
17. Dick squats with Marines in a hot tub.
“This happened many many years ago. At a BBQ/party me and my friends aren’t nudity adverse so when the party dwindled down to about 4 or 5 couples we hit the hot tub sans suits. At some point the girls got out to go get more drinks or the group bathroom run not sure, so it’s us dudes alone in the hot tub and the Marines in the tub start going into gross out deployment stories.
One guy gets into how they give each other “the brains”. Which is just pulling your sac out through your pants so it’s a scrunched up and wrinkly looking and having someone turn around into that. One of the other guys in the tub can not wrap his head around this so the marine stands up to demonstrate. Since we were naked in the hot tub warm water the balls are hanging low, in the process to perform this demonstration he retracted his balls. Cue minds blown. A couple of the dudes in the tub couldn’t do this apparently didn’t know it was possible to voluntarily move your balls up and down. So those that can are trying to teach those that can’t how to voluntary retract their balls. And that’s when the girls came back to the hot tub with us standing around the outside of the hot tub, dicks in hand, half squatting, and shouting retract release retract release.
18. Kissed a cat at the same time with another guy.
“Post-college, I’d moved into an apartment with a high school friend of mine in the town we grew up in. We weren’t the most social people, and went a lot of places together, being friends and all. We weren’t bad looking, but I didn’t date around, and he was just shy when it came to girls. So there were already whispers that we were gay.
Anyways, he got a cat on a whim, and one night while watching a movie, him on the couch, me on the recliner next to the couch, it came out from hiding to come hang with us, and while petting it, I leaned in and kissed it as I got up to go get a snack.
Only, I wasn’t the only one who was not only petting the cat, but had also leaned in. By the time we realized what was happening, our eyes had met while simultaneously kissing either side of this cat. All I remember is us both crying laughing at how gay that moment felt.
Now that he’s married, and I’m in a long-term relationship, we don’t have too much of a problem sharing that story, but we both distinctly remember and refer to it as the gayest moment of our lives.”
19. Full-on tongue action with a gay friend for a solid 20-30 seconds.
“Full-on tongue action with a gay friend for a solid 20-30 seconds. This happened after another friend kissed him and he said he wondered if I was a better kisser. I was drunk so why not?
Another drunk night he propositioned me at the end of it. Ended up turning him down because we worked together and had a bunch of mutual friends and I didn’t want to make shit awkward.
I’m not against having a gay experience, just don’t seek it out. My wife and I are happy, but she’s told me if I ever decide to have a ‘friend’ it’s alright by her as long as I’m safe about it.
20. Drunken underwear wrestling with my roommate in college.
“Drunken underwear wrestling with my roommate in college. I noticed he was hard and was like wtf bro? He was like yeah I’m gay I thought you knew where this was going.
21. Earned a free beer at a gay karaoke bar.
“I was at a work convention and these other vendors wanted to go do some karaoke. I agreed. They found the nearest place, turned out to be a really dodgy bar in a bad area of town. Walk in and it’s clearly a gay bar with a large number of cross dressers and transsexuals. They get an absolute kick out of our button down and dress pant wearing straight asses. Fearless, the leader of our group immediately gets on the list and sings some Bruce. Quickly we become a hit. I venture up to the bar for the first time, still wearing my lanyard from the show and my embroidered work shirt.
At the bar, the bartender is ignoring me and even looks up from her phone and returns to playing on her phone. I’m getting the impression I’m not welcome. I get a tap on the shoulder. It’s an older frumpy man who’s been drinking too much. “How are you sweetie”. I awkwardly navigate the conversation because I’ve never been hit on before. It’s actually kind of nice. He gets the idea when I mention I’m married after he inquired about my availability. I turn back to the bartender who is still ignoring me, only to get another tap on my other shoulder. A very tall man dressed in a woman’s night gown is wiggling his fingers at me. “You’ve got a nerdy vibe going on!” I exchange pleasantries, he chats with me about why I’m here and thank him for the compliment.
I turn back to the bartender. She has a beer ready for me and says “this ones on the house” and winks at me.
I turn around and half the bar cracks up at my red face. Apparently they really enjoy making a naive kid earn his first beer.
I sang a song after that, they loved me.
22. I got felt up by one of the original Village People.
“I got felt up by one of the original Village People.
This was in my Midwesterner-in-NYC party crashing phase, where I would attach myself to groups of prettier (and richer people going to clubs in the Meatpacking District. By getting in with a gaggle of women and finance bros, I could get in without paying a cover charge. Once you’re in, it’s just a matter of making friends with someone getting table service and you can drink for free all night.
Anyways, I had separated from my group and gotten behind the rope. I plopped down on a nice couch for a breather and this dude sat down with me. He was wearing a black leather cowboy outfit, bedazzled chaps and everything. I gave him the side eye and he looked back at me and said, “Yes. Yes I am.”
I was very confused, but didn’t say anything and he continued. “I’m the real one. The cowboy from the Village People.”
It was loud and I was a bit drunk, so I pantomimed YMCA. He laughed and called over a waitress and ordered a bottle of something clear. He and I drank it and he told me stories about life in the NYC scene, back in the day. I worked with HIV patients at the time, so he talked to me about what it was like when all his friends were dying and they didn’t know why, except that everyone knew it was their fault. I talked about the research I was helping with, exploring the immune system’s ability to find and exploit relatively static vital epitopes.
At that point, it was about 3-4AM and I had consumed about a fifth of watered down club vodka. I wished him a good night and got up to go.
Then I felt his hand, cupping my ass and turning me around. He stood up, pulled close, and whispered in my ear, “Give me a call if you ever want to party…” as he wrote down his phone number on his card. Slipped into my pocket and I went home.
23. Held hands with a man while flying kites.
“Well now, this is totally not gay at all but I was visiting my good friend’s ancestral village in North India, this is not a place westerners tend to visit (I am born and raised NYC USA) I was almost an instant celeb and knowledge of my arrival preceded me, so I of course took care to be respectful and aware of local customs during my 1 week stay. I knew beforehand to touch the feet of my elders, especially my friend’s family elders- whose house I stayed in. I knew certain dress and other “codes” of conduct were in order and I was cool with it all.
Now I’m from a sort of macho Latin background and even though I am liberal and open minded it was really difficult the first time one of the grown men from the village ran up alongside me and held my hand to take me somewhere. Like I could hardly make eye contact for a few seconds.
There I am getting out of a rickshaw heading to a dosa house and meeting one of my friend’s cousins , when Sagar a probably 40-year-old guy, meets me on the corner Locks pinkies with me and starts smiling and nodding in a very heterosexual way.
Was weird but the good kind of weird. The I’m learning something and experiencing something nobody from my family has ever experienced kind of weird. 10/10 would hold hands with Sagar again.
Oh, and we flew kites …which also seems a bit gay while you’re doing it. . . when you hold another guys hand .and fly a kite together you have to be comfortable with your sexuality lol.”
24. Listened to a Taylor Swift song.
“I listened to a Taylor Swift song once.
Or probably the time I fucked a guy.”
25. Watched Dirty Dancing by myself.
“I watched Dirty Dancing by myself a week or two ago and enjoyed it. I am a 32-year-old man.”
26. Was rescued from being seduced by a gay man by four hairdressers.
“Working on a cruise ship. We all went out in Barbados (I think) and got back late, absolutely smashed. Had a few beers in the crew bar and went to my cabin where there was a telex from Miami telling me that my niece had been born, so I went back to the crew bar and we all had more drinks to celebrate. Being utterly wasted, my eyes starting going a bit out of focus and one guy, a gay purser, thought I was eyeing him up. I went to bed but was woken up a while later by him climbing into bed with me … he spilled his coffee on my back which, luckily, woke me up. I had a half nude hairy gay man on my back, so I screamed like a girl. I was rescued by 4 female hairdressers who forced the door.”
27. DAMN if that boy wasn’t pretty.
“So I was in a musical. (Check 1) and I was half-naked in the dressing room with pretty much everyone in the cast, both male and female. One of the girls’ boyfriends come win and starts chatting her up. I hadn’t met him before, and I really had a thing for her, so I had to check the competition. So I walk over in my boxer briefs (Check 2) and shake his hand. Now he looks at me and his eyes. Oh my word!! (Check 3) They were the most steely grey I’ve ever seen! He smiled and I was gay for like 5 seconds. Then I saw his girlfriend in her underwear and I was set straight. But DAMN if that boy wasn’t pretty. I had no chance.”
28. I like Lady Gaga and Broadway musicals.
“My closest friend in life right now is a gay guy, and I like Lady Gaga and Broadway musicals way more than he does. So do with that what you will.”
29. Me and my bro went to brunch, got our hair did, went clothes shopping, and ate ice cream on the couch while watching a scary movie.
“The other day my bro and I woke up kinda late on a weekend, and figured we’d grab a bite to eat. we ended up at this restaurant right next to a barber shop that gives you whiskey and shit when you get your haircut, so we said fuck it. on the way home, we saw this really cool thrift shop, and we went and bought some dope Wu Tang Clan shits and crap. after we got home we decided to just order Chinese take-out eat ice cream while watching Netflix .
when his girlfriend came over and we described our day, we realized…
Me and my bro went to brunch, got our hair did, went clothes shopping, and ate ice cream on the couch while watching a scary movie. We had a date.”
30. Cuddled with a friend while camping to keep warm.
“I went hunting with my buddy and his brother once, and my buddy had to go home, so it was just me and his brother (we were friends, just not super close). Well, one night we decided to hike down the mountain and sleep over night down there to try and catch the elk coming down the mountain. We packed light in case we got something, so we didn’t have much to stay warm. It got really freaking cold that night, and we may have ‘cuddled’ to try and stay warm.”
31. Played ‘Gay Chicken’ in the Army.
“I was in the Army. We deployed to Camp Leatherneck, an USMC post in Afghanistan. We initially were independent, then my clearance company got rolled under the oversight of 2CEB. Working closely with Marines was very interesting.
We learned of a new game, a game of courageous, wild abandon, wits, that pushed the boundaries in every way imaginable: Gay Chicken.
It’s a very simple thing. Two men (or, I suppose, two women) challenge each other in a series of increasingly Homo-erotic moves/gestures/etc, until one person backs down.
The person who gives up, is Gay, in the pejorative sense.
We, of course, played many a lighthearted game.
One night, sitting in the smoke shack under the desert stars, my Buddy played the game with a Marine.
It went on for two hours.
Army won. The Marines are gay. Even gayer than the Army’s own Cav Scouts.
I watched two “straight men” tongue punch each other for over 33 minutes.
Most awkward, terrifying yet exhilarating time of my life.”
32. Helicopter dicking, naked wrestling, making our sacks look like batwings.
“A bunch of dudes in my dorm and I got drunk/stoned and decided we should take showers. There were 12 of us and 4 shower stalls. Lots of nude shenanigans. Helicopter dicking, naked wrestling, making our sacks look like batwings.
While this was going on, the most flaming gay dude I have ever met came in, said ‘Oh my gawd, straight boys are such faaags.’ And left.
So yeah that’s the gayest thing I’ve done and I let a dude suck my dick once.”
—-79-
33. Showered with my bros in our underwear.
“Me and my bros rented out this hotel in Vegas. The water limit we had was 200 gallons between all of us. So we decided to all shower together all no clothes except underwear.”
34. I have done body shots with two of my friends.
“I have done body shots with two of my friends. We are all dudes… fun times!”
35. The Marine Corps is the gayest straight group of homophobes on Earth.
“What’s the gayest moment of my life? I was in the Marine Corps. The Marine Corps is the gayest straight group of homophobes on Earth.
“Hey, this is boring, who wants to see how close we can get our dicks without touching them?”
“Hey, look how far I can tuck my dick back between my legs like a vag.”
“Hey does anyone want any gum?” Cue ballsack pulled through front of cammies.
I mean, for goodness sakes we took showers at boot camp with 70+ other dudes at the same time. That’s a whole lot of dong.
It’s all fun and games until that one redheaded Marine in the corner looks a little too long during the shower and sprouts a boner. I don’t care who you are, you can’t hide a boner when you are in the shower with 70 dudes. In fact, it would be gay to try and hide it. I’ve never seen so many guys that were just moments ago sword fighting with their dicks become terrified of a penis.”
