When It Ends, Think of Me Like This

When it ends, I hope it isn’t messy. I hope you don’t remember the times we fought over that girl at the bar. I hope you don’t hear the piercing sound of us yelling over who did what so loudly that the neighbors called to complain. I hope your mind isn’t clouded like my judgement was. When I come to mind, I hope you don’t feel the tears cascading down your face, like when I told you I didn’t want to see you again. I do. I do see you every day in the back of my mind. And I want you to remember me as who I was with you, not who I became when I feared losing you.

When it ends, I want you to think of me as the girl you could be yourself with. I want you to remember me as the girl whose hand fit perfectly into yours, like a missing piece. But I wasn’t your missing piece; you were complete on your own. Remember that we made each other better. Remember me as the person who pushed to go for it. Risk it all. Live a life full of passion. That was the life we were creating together.

I want you to remember the good parts, the times that seemed like they could last forever. That’s what I saw in you: a forever. I hope you remember our first date. You brought me daisies, knowing I was never one for roses, and I treasured them, even after they wilted. I loved them so much, I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away, even when I should have let go. I am sorry if I did that with us. I remember when you dropped me off, I felt drunk, even if I hadn’t been drinking. My world seemed to spin, and I felt as if I was walking on air. I hope you remember when you kissed me on my doorstep. My legs felt shaky and my breath caught in my chest, but for the first time in a long time, I felt at home. I hope you remember that we once were each other’s home.

I hope you remember the nights we stayed up late in our pajamas, eating Rocky Road and talking about our forever. Our white picket fence house. Our adventures. Our future together. I hope you remember the rush of excitement when we booked our first trip together. I hope you remember me as the girl you could tell anything and everything, without fear of being judged or misunderstood. I hope you remember the magic we felt when our eyes would meet each other across the table. I hope you remember how you took my breath away. I hope you remember how we felt together. Safe. Happy. Home. Loved.

When it ends, I hope you think of me as happy. It’s okay for you to forget the day-to-day. It’s okay for you to forget what we said and to forget all that we did. But please, think of us by how we felt. Think of me as the girl you once loved. Hold onto the feelings of forever we kept in our hearts. When it ends, think of me with your full and loving heart, because you will always be in mine.