A Letter To My Ex-Husband

I do not hate you, like you may believe. I do not love you in a romantic way. I do not want a happily ever after with you. I do not expect a fairytale for us. I do respect you. I do acknowledge your role in our daughter’s life. I do want us to get along and be friends, if possible.

I understand you’re hurt and feel as if you failed me. I cannot take away your pain or loneliness. I cannot even imagine what you feel inside, but I know that it is way different than what I feel. You didn’t fail me, we failed us. Our marriage was doomed from the start. Our marriage was rushed and unhealthy.

I’m not going to lie and say I was never happy, because there was a point I thought we were meant to be. Even after I knew we weren’t, I kept trying. I was never happy with you because when I met you, I was just starting to get to know myself. I had just met ME and trying so hard to make you happy that I forgot about my happiness.

I don’t hate you. I don’t regret you. I think our marriage was the best thing that ever happened to me because our daughter is a result of it. I do not feel hate or resentment when I look into her eyes. However, I feel like you don’t understand my decision and reasons for leaving. Sure we failed at marriage, but it doesn’t mean you can’t start over. I did. When I let go of you and the fear of other people’s comments and their expectations, I met ME again. I am learning new things about myself and discovering my own happiness. I began dating myself. I realized that loving myself makes me a better mother and person.

If someday I find someone who understands and complements me, I will make sure that our daughter never forgets that you are her father and that you love her. As long as you do your job as her father and remain in her life, no one will ever replace you in her heart.

However, I do not look back. I will not go back to you. I hope you find love and I hope you find peace. I hope someday you find happiness. I do not wish the worst on you. I do not think you deserve to feel pain. My love for you just died. I can’t revive it. I know people say to never say never, but in my heart at this time, on this day, I feel like I am never going to love you as much as I thought I did when we met. The reality is that I was never in love. I was infatuated, blinded by illusion and imagination. I wanted a love story.

The thing is, a relationship that begins because of an illusion never lasts. You didn’t change, you were always the same person you are now. I just kept making excuses for you and kept telling myself you’d change and be more of what I wanted in a man once we were married. I kept telling myself I’d be happy if we were just together, but the reality is, I was never happy with you because I didn’t know what it was that made me happy. I didn’t know ME, so how was I supposed to be happy with you? How was I supposed to make you happy if I didn’t know or love myself?

Anyway, I respect you. I do like you, and I do care for you. I just don’t love you. But I will forever be thankful to you for giving me my soulmate.