1. Whiskey

“I’m an adult. This is what adults drink. I am sophisticated.”

A separate class from you beer and cocktail drinkers.

2. Scotch

“I am more of an adult. I am a rich adult.”

You probably also have daddy issues.

3. Tequila

“I came for two things: To party, and to throw up everywhere.”

Or you’re from the Southwest.

4. Cheap Beer

“I just want to get drunk for as cheap as possible.”

Taste is nothing compared to price.

5. Micro-brew Beer

“Where are the hops from?”

The seasonal ingredients, location specific hops, and months of artisanal craft brewing all leads to one thing: your desire for a beer with higher ABV, and smugness.

6. Anything ‘and Coke’

“I don’t like drinking.”

7. Vodka Soda

“How many calories did we burn walking here?”

You’re clearly not drinking for the taste, and probably obsess over everything you eat.

8. Simple Cocktail

“What’s between rail and top shelf?”

Martini, Dark and Stormy, Gin and Tonic, Vodka Tonic, whatever. You’re okay with paying $10 for a two-ingredient drink you could have just made at home.

9. White Russian

“That’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

You own a copy of ‘The Big Lebowski’ on Blu-Ray.

10. Complicated Cocktail

“The eclectic tastes and particular ingredients show off how unique I am. This twist of orange peel matches my shirt.”

If it’s more than four ingredients and there’s a line at the bar, you’re an ass.

11. Margarita

“¡Hola!”

You’re either at a Mexican restaurant, think you’re the like of the party, or went on a Spring Break trip years ago that you still never shut up about.

12. Caffeinated Fruit-Flavored Malt Liquor

“Wooooooo!”

Four Loko, Joose, Sparks, either way, your drinking started in high school, and it was probably your glory days.