52 Strange Things Guys Think During Sex
Sex with new partners can be a little stressful. The internal monologue is a mini roller coaster of highs and lows. Sometimes even boredom. How do guys handle it sometimes? Well…
- “Oh, God, am I gonna get whiskey dick?”
- “Should I pee before or after?”
- “Fuck it, I’ll pee before AND after.”
- “Should I take my clothes off first or hers?”
- “Oh, holy shit, she’s taking hers off. I should help, it’ll be hot.”
- “There’s no sexy way to help a girl take her pants off, actually.”
- “When was the last time I worked out? I can’t believe she’s saying yes to a body that screams, ‘I drink beer way too regularly.’”
- “We should get Mexican food after this.”
- “I wonder if I’m her first black guy.”
- “I don’t know why guys don’t go down on girls more often.”
- “This is really stressful.”
- “A, B, C, D..”
- “Middle finger or index…”
- “Both.”
- “How long have I been down here? How much time has passed?”
- “Is my alarm set for work in the morning?”
- “Alright, nice, she’s pulling me up.”
- “Is she gonna return the favor or…”
- “Mom always said not to give with the expectation of receiving.”
- “Oh, shit, she’s going down!”
- “I just wanna thank god.”
- “I should trim tomorrow.”
- “So, what’s our first position here…”
- “Okay, do I just lay here while she’s on top…”
- “Have fun up there.”
- “Fuck it, time to roll.”
- “Missionary. God’s position.”
- “Does she want me to choke her? Is that a thing?”
- “Nah, too much too soon.”
- “What if she thinks I’m boring?”
- “Was that my roommate?”
- “Oh, whoa, she’s moving my hand to her neck, problem solved.”
- “Was that a queef? Play through, play through.”
- “Okay, how do I go about this doggy style situation?”
- “Wait, I almost forgot about that ankle on the shoulders thing.”
- “Hold it together, don’t pop yet.”
- “Think about baseball.”
- “I don’t even watch baseball, actually.”
- “Fever Pitch was such a good movie.”
- “Alright, let’s flip her over.”
- “Tell the Vatican I’ve found the Holy Grail.”
- “Do I want an eye contact thing?”
- “Does she?”
- “I should tell her I’m almost done.”
- “She wants me to finish on her stomach, how beautiful.”
- “Did I buy paper towels the other day?”
- “I wish the light was on, she’s really cute.”
- “Oh, my god.”
- “….”
- “..!!”
- “I should make us breakfast in bed.”
- “Or, ya know, if she wants to go home then go home. I don’t care. I wonder what my ex is up to?”
