I Do Not Owe You A Thing

How dare you assume it’s because of you I am strong? How dare you even consider that your actions are what made me better? No. Never. I made myself better. I picked up the pieces, I found new parts of me to fill in the empty spaces left behind by the pieces you selfishly took. I got myself the help I needed. I will not say thank you to you for a single thing. You do not deserve that.

You were not the one who told me to list out all my goals and dreams and pursue them one by one, relentlessly. I did that. You were not the one who encouraged me to keep fighting, to hold on, to get up in the morning, to face another day. I did that. You were not the one who told me to take a risk, make a change, and be brave. I did that. You did not do a thing for me. I did all of this for myself. How dare you think otherwise.

I will not bow down and grant you forgiveness. I do not believe that to forgive and forget is best. I really don’t. Forget that. I can never forget how you betrayed me, I can never forget the words I read that laid out exactly how you manipulated and lied. I refuse to forget.

Remembering makes me smarter. Remembering makes me stronger. Remembering those words reminds me that some people are cruel and selfish. Remembering those words reminds me what love shouldn’t feel like. I know better now, because I choose to remember. Not because of you.

You tried to seek forgiveness from me. I am not sorry that I cannot give it to you. I don’t want to. Forgiving you is telling you that your actions were okay. Forgiving you is sending a message to everyone else out there that manipulation, deception, cheating, is all okay. It’s not. People say that forgiveness leads to peace. I believe that. But I believe forgiving myself will bring me peace. That’s what I will do.

I will forgive myself for being too hard on my heart and my soul. I will apologize to this girl for expecting perfection and change in a day or two. I will remind her daily of how strong and incredible she is. Not because of you. Not because of you at all. But because of her. Because of me.

I do not need a white knight in shining armor. I am my own saving grace. I am my own king and queen. I am my own safe place. And I do not owe you a damn thing.