This Isn’t A Taylor Swift Song

Just because you made me sad doesn’t mean that “you’re the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.” It means that I’m a whiny little bitch who doesn’t even own an instrument.

Just because you went through a stop sign while I was talking over the music doesn’t mean that “you almost ran a red because you were looking over at me.” It means that you need to stop picking songs while you’re driving.

Just because we spent Saturday together from 7AM doesn’t mean “I can make the bad guys good for the weekend.” It means that you hoped I’d be easier to use at night if you put in a few hours of pretending to care in the morning.

Just because we met at a coffee shop in the middle of the week doesn’t mean that “on a Wednesday, in a café, I watched it begin again.” It means that you thought that dinner seemed like too much of a commitment for a first date and that the second date should be at 1AM on Saturday.

Just because I’m pining over you doesn’t mean that “what you’ve been looking for has been here the whole time.” It means that you’re looking for something, but not for me.

Just because I slept next to you once doesn’t mean that “when the sun came up you were looking at me.” It means that I woke up drooling on my pillow three feet away from you.

Just because you picked me up at 6 doesn’t mean that “today was a fairytale.” It means that you got out of work at a reasonable time for once, and it was convenient to grab me on your way home.

Just because there was a thunderstorm the last time you were in town doesn’t mean that “it rains in your bedroom, and everything is wrong.” It means that spring weather in the Midwest is erratic as hell.

Just because I got butterflies during our first conversation doesn’t mean that “we met, and the sparks flew instantly.” It means that I blurted out that you look like Ben Wyatt then awkwardly stood there frozen as you attempted to have a normal interaction with me.

Just because you have a pickup truck and listen to country doesn’t mean that you’re “a redneck, heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.” It means that took your dad’s car to move here from New England.

Just because you were older than me doesn’t mean “I was too young to be messed with.” It means that you were my 31-year-old friend who didn’t come anywhere near me and was completely unaware of my borderline creepy crush.

Until I morph into Taylor Swift, I need to stop romanticizing hopeless crushes and dead-end relationships. “Boys only want love if it’s torture; don’t say I didn’t, say I didn’t warn ya.”

Oops, I did it again.