Rejecting Invitations Honestly

Despite what ‘they’ say (whoever ‘they’ happens to be), honesty is not the best policy. At least, not all the time. I wish it were, though. I’d be totally down with everyone walking around being real if it allowed me to say things like, “How am I? Well, I was walking past Starbucks earlier and saw a trace of muffin top through my dress when I was vainly staring at my reflection. Feeling self-conscious and like I hate carbs. How are YOU?” That would be nice.

I wish people were more honest when turning down a request to hang out, if only for the comedic value. There is so much sugarcoating involved in turning down an invitation that we’re all going to be diabetic by the time we’re forty. Just imagine what it would be like if you always turned down invites with the realness.

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“Thanks for the invitation! I’ve had a really rough week at work though, and I’m exhausted. Truthfully, I’d probably man up if I thought you were going to sleep with me – but based on our previous interactions, I’m going to guess that you just want to bitch about your ex or your job and I truly can’t muster up the give-a-shit it takes to hang out with you. Maybe some other time, like when you’re drunk and horny.”

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“Sounds like a really cool event, but I seem to recall you earnestly citing Fox News during a political conversation the last time we hung out. I also saw you stiff the bartender on several occasions, and you seemed agitated when I was unable (and unwilling) to sit in silence watching the Knicks/Celtics game. I am going to pass.”

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“I have a family emergency. I know, my family lives 8,000 miles away… but I should stay by the phone in case someone needs me. Although admittedly, I’m the last person anyone would call during an emergency. It’d be more of a courtesy to me if anyone bothered to ring me up – an attempt to ‘keep me in the loop’ so that I don’t bitch about being the Black Sheep at Thanksgiving. I just don’t want to hang out. Sorry.”

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“Mmm…  I’d love to meet you at Barbossa, but I went on a date with someone else last night and he plied me with liquor (something you never do, if you were unaware). As a result I’ve spent the majority of the day locked in a bathroom, running the faucet and catching up on my Words With Friends games. You know what I’m saying.”

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“That sounds like fun, I might comply unless something better comes along. Can I just be really inconsiderate and let you know at the last minute or maybe even during the event, post-last minute? You don’t mind, right?”

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“To be frank, I’m not even sure how we got to a point where you’d feel comfortable inviting me places. There is no reason for us to willingly spend time together. As a person, I find you to be tedious and kind of unnecessary. Please refrain from talking to me going forward.”

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Give honesty a try this weekend and report back with your findings! I would do it myself, but I’m going to be busy washing my hair.