1.

#confusedwithoutcoitus

2.

Translation: No.

P.S. I’m eating a lot of pie this weekend and you are not invited.

3.

Writer’s Note: Truthfully, if it doesn’t have more veggies (or fruit?) than other stuff (i.e. mayonnaise) then it does not qualify as a salad. However, I totally respect your ability to call a bunch of potatoes with other things a salad; I like potatoes.

4.

Aside from my evident grammar mistake, this is some quality literature. I genuinely see a TV sitcom being inspired by this interaction.

5.

No?

Thanks.

Bye.