I Will Never Be The Girl Who Cannot Trust

The trouble with choosing to trust someone is it’s like having blind faith. You do it even when common sense is screaming at you not to. You put yourself out there, your head & heart firmly on the chopping block, hoping on all hopes that they’re doing the same. That they get it. And they’ll be careful with you and your soul. Because that’s what you would do. That’s what you’ve always done.

You are the girl who chooses to trust.

But you forget that you are lovely. Sometimes they won’t be.

Sometimes you will be with someone who can’t even begin to understand the fallout of their actions, or someone who just selfishly doesn’t want to even try. Some people will always be takers, stealing from you silently in the night, while giving nothing true in return.

People disappear. They ghost. They cause pain. They cheat. They leave suddenly, and tragically. And sometimes, they just leave.

Label me an eternal optimist, but I don’t believe anybody intentionally sets out to hurt anyone. I think that we wake up each day and face our own demons, whatever shape they choose to take. We do what we believe to be our best. We try. We try to be good people. We fail. We make a mistake. We fall down. Maybe we make a few more mistakes. We struggle. We fight. We might choose to try a little harder. We get back up again. We rinse and repeat.

We know this. But it still hurts like hell when it happens. Why didn’t they want to love us? Why couldn’t we make them stay?

The thing is, no matter how many times you get hurt, you have to bounce back. You have to realise that they are just one person. One out of a billion others. Know that when your trust is betrayed, it’s far more a reflection on that other person, than on you and your choice to trust. There are far too many cynical people, who never managed to fully recover from their betrayal, who exist as cold shadows of their true selves; preferring to now take the easy road because it’s familiar and safe, less chance of colliding with anybody.

Don’t do that. That’s not living.

Will it be difficult to pave your way back to the old you? Of course. We are creatures who learn by previous events, and the consequences or our actions. When we open ourselves fully to someone, only to be dumped on the curb and left in a trail of suffocating smoke, sure as hell we’re going to do our best to make sure that never happens again. Ever.

But guess what? The new you will be better. You’ll have another one of life’s invaluable lessons under your wing. You’ll be able to trust again, only this time you’ll do it with a little more wisdom and care.

I can’t tell you how important it is that you don’t walk this earth as a jaded shadow of who you once were. Before. Before the worst happened. Before you felt your heart and world shatter and disperse in places so far from where you are right now, you don’t believe you’ll ever get all of those pieces back again. Don’t do that. Don’t stop being vulnerable. Don’t stop trusting people who are going to walk into your life, before they even do. Being a person who does not trust is being a person who is never fully comfortable with life, always on edge, never at peace.

You must be at peace with yourself.

I won’t ever stop being the girl who chooses to trust. She is vulnerable. She is brave. She is kind. She is strong. She is resilient. She believes in good. She believes in people.

She believes in herself.