Break Up With Your Boyfriend If You See These 3 Signs

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Sometimes it’s time to break up with a partner who is mistreating you. Here are the three signs you need to do so immediately. 

There’s a presence of any kind of verbal or emotional abuse. 

If they’re calling you names, dishing out covert put-downs, withdrawing affection to punish you, making you feel deflated during happy moments, hypercriticizing you, gaslighting you, lashing out at you when envious, or stonewalling you during important conversations – it’s time to break up (and create a safety plan for doing so in more volatile situations to protect yourself). Do you think your true partner in this life would ever go out of their way to make you feel small? A true partner would nourish and support you. They would be your safe haven – not a danger zone. 

They’re disrespecting you on social media and in real life.

Social media isn’t just social media. It’s a highly public platform. It can amplify your joy and exacerbate your stress. It’s also one of the first signs of someone’s true motives: a narcissistic partner, for example, uses social media to evoke jealousy in their partners. They provoke jealousy on purpose for power and control according to research. If your partner is disrespecting you on social media, they are disrespecting you, period. You are not insecure or “crazy,” you are intuitive, discerning, and recognize the red flags. There are higher quality men out there who won’t be busy sliding into the DMs of other people or following suspicious accounts, or posting suspicious stories that seem to reference your relationship in a way that invades privacy. Ask yourself: why would a healthy partner ever need to seek validation from numerous prospects? They wouldn’t. Someone’s wandering eye doesn’t just stop at social media – it can escalate into greater betrayals. If they’re willing to pursue cheap attention online, there’s nothing stopping them from doing it offline. Cut your losses and realize it’s only going to get worse from here. 

They show a lack of empathy. 

If they’re kicking you down when you’re already vulnerable, you’re dating a sadist, not a healthy partner. If they’re cruel and callous when you’re facing trauma, stress, or medical emergencies, they are actively making your stress worse. If they’re not celebrating with you when you’re achieving big things, they’ll detract from your success and everything you were meant to be. This is not the behavior of someone who has the capacity to love you or anyone else in a healthy way. 


About the author

Shahida Arabi

Shahida is a graduate of Harvard University and Columbia University. She is a published researcher and author of Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse and Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths. Her books have been translated into 16+ languages all over the world. Her work has been featured on Salon, HuffPost, Inc., Bustle, Psychology Today, Healthline, VICE, NYDaily News and more. For more inspiration and insight on manipulation and red flags, follow her on Instagram here.

Remember— highly manipulative people don’t respond to empathy or compassion. They respond to consequences.

“I rarely write reviews but I’m so impressed by this book, I can’t recommend it enough for anyone who has suffered abuse by a narcissist or is trying to get out of an abusive relationship now. You deserve the best and more… so I strongly encourage you to get this book!” — Michelle Spurling

“This book was life changing. It completely validated everything from my experiences (suicide, anxiety, depression, “neediness”, literally everything). It took every detail from my past struggles and validated and helped make sense of everything. It’s like I was reading my own biography.” — Drew Rod