Scott Muska

So now some people view it as curious that someone my age is single.

“Buy me a beer? BUY ME A BEER?! “

Your metabolism and general energy levels are both beginning to turn on you.

22. Sleep well with someone else in my bed. It just gets so hot and crowded, and then I get bothered.

You own at least one gingham patterned button-down shirt, probably from either J. Crew, Old Navy, or, your old mainstay, The Gap.

Every year, I seem to find myself scrambling for a Halloween costume idea and execution a few days before the holiday.

“Well, I suppose you should be afraid of being alone forever. Think about it: living alone is kind of a dangerous thing. There’s nobody there to protect you or even look out for you.”

Post-Text Anxiety Disorder is a very real struggle. And it can affect anyone. Even you.

Why can we not just agree that upon first meeting, we shake hands?

I’m getting pretty sick of Lil’ Jon’s shit.

How about we…

Why waste time? I’m 25. The internal clock is ticking. I don’t have time to sit through all that mundane banter.

Boy, I miss the days when I had money to blow on tobacco products.

22. In perfect cadence with every thrust, whisper this in her ear: “You are so much better than my ex. You are so much better than my ex. You are so much better than my ex.”

“So what is it, exactly, that you want?” she asks. Then she jumps right into it. “It seems like for me it changes every day. I just know that, at least right now, I don’t want anything serious.

Here are some things you should NOT say if you don’t want to blow it.

There was a time not too long ago when if you weren’t that close with a person and simply did not want them in your life anymore, you could just phase yourself out of their lives without any tangible notification.

I’m not very comfortable or adept at walking up to girls in bars and then beginning a dialogue with them. So instead, I’ve written the following cover letter that I can hand them after tapping them on the shoulder and before scurrying away, giggling.