Scott Muska

Frank Sinatra famously said that the best revenge is massive success. I’ve always applied this idom to breakups.

Here is a definitive list of those thats:

“Look, the deliverables we agreed on were at least one orgasm each, and we’re not clocking out until then. These are all billable hours, so we can take our time.”

I don’t have many rules for how I live my life, but one of them is that I refrain from sending pictures of my dick to people.

The vast majority of things that do not kill you don’t make you stronger.

Sometimes, the idea of having sex with someone seems like a terrible way to spend a few minutes. You can be drunk, tired, depressed, etc.

What if there were a website where you could write and give starred reviews of people you’ve gone on dates with? Like a Yelp for mating.

Always remember that captions are there for a paramount purpose: humble-bragging.

So what do I do?

“We’re excited about this opportunity insofar as we’re going to make money to do it. But that’s about the extent of it.”

I don’t know how many dates I’ve been on, but there have been more than enough for me to draw the conclusion that I don’t really like dating all that much.

My hangover went to church once, but it vomited and was promptly asked to leave and never return, a request it has taken very, very seriously.