Ryan O'Connell
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Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Date Me
I'm a drive-by spooner. I get in, I get out, and I go to my corner of the bed ASAP. If you want something to hold on to all night, I suggest investing in a body pillow. Maybe one that has a picture of my face on it? Love you, babe!
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Why Do Twentysomethings Always Feel So Old?
I think the reason why twentysomethings are so fixated on age is because we feel a pressure to be a certain way at 23, at 25, at 29. There are all of these invisible deadlines with our careers and with love and drinking and drugs. I can't do coke at 25. I need to be…
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What You Would Be Like In A Perfect World
In a perfect world, everyone you loved would love you back. It'd be as easy as 1, 2, 3. "Oh, you love me? I love you back then. No questions asked." There'd be no unreturned texts, no jabs, no infidelity. They'd be exactly how you want them to be.
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Nine Reasons Why You Aren’t Getting Laid
You're in a #dark place with your body. You feel fat and undesirable. You totally get why you aren't getting laid! But that kind of thinking is dangerous. If you think you're hideous, chances are others will pick up on that and not be attracted to you. In order for someone to want to sleep…
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The 5 Most Intimate Things You Could Do To Somebody
I recently held back someone's hair while they vomited for the first time and was struck by how tender it felt. Scooping their hair up and pulling it back as they do this really disgusting and vulnerable thing felt like a total bonding experience. Added bonus points if you massage the back of their neck…
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The 5 Important Milestones In Every Relationship
In the beginning of every relationship, you essentially try to be the best version of yourself. You pretend you dress to the nines every single day ("Oh, this little number? I just threw it together in five....hours"), do fun-filled activities, and never fart, burp, poop or experience any other human action that could be perceived…
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Why Gay Men Stay In The Closet
Sexuality is so personal. Conservative parents, fear of disownment and religion definitely play a role in someone 's decision to remain in the closet. But at the end of the day, it's all about whether or not that person can feel okay about loving another man.
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Ten Reasons Why Masturbating Can Be Better Than Sex
Your hand doesn't talk back. It doesn't bitch and complain or ask to be on top. It doesn't text you at three in the morning asking you to come over. Your hand doesn't yell. It doesn't bum you out and make you cry to "Wonderwall" alone in your room. And it's certainly not going to…
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The Joys Of Making Out
You should kiss someone if you like them. You'll learn so much about them when you taste their spit. And it will also make you feel young again. No matter how experienced you are, your first kiss with someone always takes you back to that first time with that first person.
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Things I Will Do If I Have A Crush On You
If I have a crush on you, I will ignore you. This is stupid and I hate it but it's what I do. I will look at you and be like, "OMG, you're funny and cute and smart. Now, get the hell away from me!" This is a quality I have that drives me actually…
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5 Telltale Signs That Your Relationship Sucks
So I know there's a song called "Rollercoaster of Love" but to me, love is less of a Magic Mountain thrill ride and more of a sweet happy (and occasionally exciting/terrifying) ride at Disneyland.
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How To Tell If Somebody Loves You
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn't ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don't want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face.…
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Top Five Things People Like To Write On Someone's Facebook Wall
Couples gushing about each other on their Facebook walls should be illegal. Like Time Warner Cable or Comcast needs to come to their door, find their router and smash it into a million pieces while screaming, "GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL YOU'VE REALIZED THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS!"
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A Guide To Having A Drug Dealer?
Attempting to meet up with your drug dealer is sort of like going to the gym. You wait 45 minutes for a text and then when you get it, you run to the address they listed. When you arrive panting and sweating, your dealer sends you another text that's like, "Just kidding! I'm on the…
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If I Were A Girl
If I were a girl I would cry a lot. I mean, I'm already emotional with a penis so I shudder to think what I would be like as a girl. I'd cry on my period, cry about my ex-boyfriend, cry about old best friends, cry at romantic comedies that I secretly abhorred on a…
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5 Hot Men Who Also Happen To Be Insane Murderers
I thought only ugly people were murderers. Why are all of these hot men getting into it now? It used to be that if you picked a good-looking husband, you could pretty much guarantee he wouldn't kill you. Not anymore though! God, is anything sacred?
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Ten Reasons Why Being Gay Is Awesome
You can be close with women in an intense and amazing way. Half of the reason why women are so guarded with men is because they constantly feel like they're trying to get into their pants. Since sex isn't a possibility, you can enjoy a rich beautiful friendship between the genders!
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5 Things People Like To Do When They’re Angry
A lot of anger is unexplainable, a lot of is irrational, and a lot of it feels just plain silly. So you cry when you have nowhere else to go with it. "I don't know what to do so I'm going to just cry tears of rage. I'm going to cry for everything bad that…