To The People Who Shaped My 2016

I’m not going to deny, 2016 was considerably a horrible year for me, but also amazing. It made me a stronger person. It taught me to keep fighting until the end and never give up; it brought me closer to my dad; helped me value relationships; taught me to be always bold enough to say no; made me appreciate what I have; and most of all, helped me figure out who I was.

My year began with depression, and it’s never a good feeling to wake up just as dull as you slept – weeping with swollen eyes. I couldn’t get out of my bed and I desperately needed someone to tell me that will all be okay. When I did ask for help, my uncle only made it worse. I was told that I was doing it all for attention and personal benefits. I was told that I was worthless and should stop being so wayward. I was left alone, again, in the dark empty to room to go through it on my own. And I did. I thank you so much for that, for being so thoughtless and inconsiderate.

It is then that I realized how much I’m grateful for my mom, for being there for me through every thick and thin, for understanding me. She was my only 2 am at that time. She listened to every word that I said while crying like a baby to come back home. She’d wake up in the middle of the night and wouldn’t go back to sleep until I was fine. She will always be my best friend, no matter what I do or who I’m with. She’s the one person I will always count on. I love you more than you can ever imagine, mom.

Then I found about an old school friend who was going through the same thing, only worse. I contacted her and we began talking. Sharing with someone who understands what you’re going through and is genuinely interested in how you’re feeling, was all I wanted and I received that from her. If it weren’t for my mom and her, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this. I owe my entire year to the both of you. I hope you get perfectly fine, too. You are an amazing human being.

In 2016, I gifted my dad something. For the first time in years. Just so you know, gifting others something is my way of appreciating them, letting them know that mean a lot to me, that they are special to me and that they are always on my mind. It was huge deal for me. I wanted to gift him something because I finally knew how loving he’s always been and how much he does for all of us. When my relatives decided to come out of their disguises, I finally could see what a wonderful person my dad is – strong and brave. Our equation might still be the same, but there’s definitely love now. I respect him for who he is and I’ll try my best to come up to his expectations.

You know, you only know who will stay when you move away. Mohini, Shipra – you guys are a bliss. You people are the best thing that school has given me. I will cherish every moment that we spent together and I hope we create many more such memories. Sadly, I realized this when I came to college. What I had with you people, I might never have that with anybody else. Ever. You just set a whole new level to friendship goals. You guys are everything I’ve ever wanted, the best friends one could find on this planet. Thanks for choosing me, believing in me and making me a part of The Pandvas. I love you people so fucking much!

There’s been betrayal, disappointment and ignorance – that is how I would like to define my 2016 at college.

I’ve tried and I’ve tried, I just don’t know what else a person is supposed to do to get an ounce of happiness. I don’t like it here, to be honest. Not one bit. I don’t know what it is, but all I want is to be done with this place as soon as I can. I’ve lost faith in people, learnt to be alone and happy. With you, I feel like I don’t exist; like I’m invisible and I don’t matter. I have kept my calm, but not anymore. I don’t think anybody deserves to feel that way, especially when they are around people they can call friends! Maybe it’s the way they are, or I give away too much without thinking enough. All I want is to be happy right now (and forever), even if it means for me to give them up. I don’t want to live in an illusion that someone has my back. They might be good people, but they’re toxic for me and I left all the venom behind in the 2nd semester.

To the guys who only want to hook up, please get a life and get over it. All you people are are pathetic losers who have an entire lifetime to cry about themselves. I don’t want you in my life, nobody does. You are sick, twisted, dumbasses and need to find some nice hobby for yourselves. Thank you so much. Now get lost and never contact me again.

Lastly, the person who’s been through it all with me – cried with me in my dark times and was always the reason for my happiness. Thank you so much for staying, always. That is all I have to say to you. Never change. Always be ever so sweet to every person you meet. Make them love you and win them over. I’ve found a perfect match for my introverted soul in your extroverted old soul and I’m never letting you go. I love you to the moon and back,
darling.