50 Quotes From ‘Rushmore,’ In Order Of Awesomeness

"I miss Rushmore. I miss... the seasons."

Updated 10 months ago, May 9, 2024

It seems impossible to believe, but the film ‘Rushmore’ came out fifteen years ago… that’s before, say, the internet really existed. Fifteen years ago. This fact (along with the advent of Miley Cyrus, rump-shaking hussy) makes me feel old. But then, most things make me feel old these days. This is probably because I actually am old.

You could probably trace the rise of hipster culture to the creation of ‘Rushmore,’ but that’s a boring essay, and I don’t feel like writing a boring essay. What I remember mostly about ‘Rushmore’ is watching the trailer with my friends (in the theater, again, we’re still pre-internet), and thinking: “This. THIS is the film for me.” …Which is rare, since I don’t usually get all that excited about trailers, unless they feature Star Wars or Batman or some combination of the two (oh please; someone do a combination of the two).

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxCNDpvGyss&w=584&h=390]

It looked like the perfect film. And then I saw it, and… it kind of was. It would perhaps be wrong to label ‘Rushmore’ THE perfect film (and after all, there’s still ‘Star Trek II’ battling it out for that title) — but I, at least, cannot find a single flaw with ‘Rushmore.’

Over the years, I lost patience with Wes Anderson. I stopped with ‘The Life Aquatic,’ which seemed proof that he was destined to recycle the same movie with limited results. I did watch the nearly perfect ‘Fantastic Mr. Fox,’ but that almost didn’t seem to count as an Anderson movie, for the arbitrary reason that it was animated. …Finally, I gave in and saw ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel,’ and my faith was resorted. The man had made another great movie. Geniuses have their skips and their bumps, they are as guilty of having flaws and of getting stuck in ruts as the rest of us. But for the moment, at least, with ‘Grand Budapest,’ Wes Anderson is back, at least for me.

…So let’s revisit the moment of his first real triumph; here, then, are the fifty greatest quotes from ‘Rushmore,’ a movie without flaw, without peer, and without equal.

50 Quotes From ‘Rushmore,’ in Order of Awesomeness

“I miss Rushmore. I miss… the seasons.”
“…War does funny things to men.”
“With friends like you, who needs friends?”
“Has it ever crossed your mind that you’re far too young for me?” “…It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.”
“I’ll show you the door.” (Max sighs.) “…I’ll just go back out the window.”
“I SAVED LATIN. …What’d you ever do?”
“Is this fake blood?” (Max sighs again.) “…Yes, it is.”
“Your mind’s as warped as your ear, Buchan.”
**…Bees flood into Herman Blume’s rented hotel room. He pauses, smiles — out of respect for the insanity of it all. Then he starts screaming.**
“You want a carrot?” (Herman steps onto the porch, takes a single carrot, steps back off the porch, bites down awkwardly.)
“Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. My name’s Max Fischer.”
“…I’m sorry, did somebody say my name?”
“‘When one man, for whatever the reason, has the ability to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.'”
“Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today. …I’m gonna pop a cap in his ass.”
“…Say a prayer for Surf Boy. Wherever he is.”
“‘I have seen wicked men and fools, a great many of both; and I believe they both get paid in the end.'” (Miss Cross pauses in her reading; she smiles darkly.) “‘But the fools first.'”
“She’s my Rushmore, Max!” “…Yeah; I know. She was mine too.”
**…Herman stands silently as the gigantic oak tree collapses inches away from him, almost squashing him like a pancake — but not quite.**
“You’ll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.” (…Massive explosions begin.)
“I don’t give a shit about the barracudas! Fuck it! I’m building it anyway.”
“Couldn’t we just let me float by? For old times’ sake?”
“Sharp little guy.” “…He’s one of the worst students we’ve got.”
“I guess you’ve just gotta find something you love to do and then… do it for the rest of your life. For me, it’s going to Rushmore.”
“Are you okay?” (Mr. Blume takes a long drag on his cigarette.) “…Mmmmmm; I’m a little lonely these days.”
“Fischer! Yah spotty wee fuck!”
“…Is that Latin?”
“Nihilo sanctum estne? …Is nothing sacred?”
“So I guess we both have dead people in our families.”
“You’re like one of those clipper ship captains, Max. You’re married to the sea.” (Max pauses and thinks.) “…Yes; that’s true. …But I’ve been out to sea for a long time.”
“Were you in the shit?”
“Yeah; I was in the shit.”
“Will you marry me?” “…You bet your ass I will.”
“I’m sorry. Can I use your phone? I just got hit by a car.”
“…What’s this?”
(Max offers Herman a small box.) “That’s the Perfect Attendance Award and the Punctuality Award. I got those at Rushmore. I thought you could choose which one you like more, and you could wear one and I could wear the other.”
(Herman gravely considers both awards; their meaning; the intent.) “…I’ll take Punctuality.” (He attaches the pin to his lapel: the moment is complete.)
“…Pipe dreams, dad. I’m a barber’s son.”
(Dr. Guggenheim, awakening from his coma, in a strangled, angry voice.) “…Fischer!!!”
“I think I can safely say that I’ve never met anyone like you.” (Max smiles; he is truly pleased.) “…You really haven’t, have you?”
“I understand that you’re a neurosurgeon.” (Bert grins.) “…No; I’m a barber. But a lot of people make that mistake.”
“The killing has got to stop, esse! It’s getting too loco. No more gats.”
(Max rushes into the doorway.) “Sorry, I just wanted to come by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!”
“I always wanted to be in one of those frickin’ plays of yours.” (Max nods at Buchan.) “…I know you did, mate.”
“So what do you think of Max’s latest opus?”
(Herman half-smiles, half-winces.) “…Let’s just hope it’s got a happy ending.”
(Miss Cross approaches Max at the after-party.) “…Well, you pulled it off.”
(Max shrugs.) “It went okay. At least nobody got hurt.”
(She stares at him.) “Except for you.”
“…Nah. I didn’t get hurt that bad.”
**…Everyone gathers in the auditorium and dances, as ‘Ooh La La’ by the Faces plays…**