To The Guy I Didn’t Get To Fall In Love With

There are some questions I’d like to ask you, but probably never will. I’m too scared to do that, and besides weren’t you the one who cut me off completely in the first place? If I keep it all to myself, however, I will truly never comprehend us. I don’t even want to hear the answers anymore, I just wanted you to know that after you left me, I’m stuck here wondering and hurting.

Let’s start with the question I’ve been asking myself lately: why is the idea of losing you hurting me so much? I don’t know you so well; it’s been just months anyway. I’m pretty sure I don’t even love you but how come I am feeling so desperate for another shot with you? A shot I didn’t even have to begin with.

How can I feel so sad about us not talking anymore? Why am I hurting right now when all I ever wanted was more time with you, to get to know you more?

Why is it so painful that things ended even before we had to chance to start it? 

Why did you try being part of my everyday, when you knew eventually you’ll leave? Why did you agree into making plans when you knew it wasn’t going to happen anyway? Now I’m torn here wanting to go to places we wanted to, but will probably won’t because it will just remind me of you.

Why did you let me feel there was a possibility with what we had when in fact it was an end game right from the start? I don’t understand why you spent so much time acting like this was going somewhere, when we could have spared ourselves the trouble.

Why did you let me like you so much if you weren’t even so sure about me? Why did you even try to make me happy when I didn’t even ask you to? What went wrong along the way that made you decide this isn’t worthy?

What made you leave when we obviously liked each other enough? Why leave when nothing could have seemed so wrong?

I know somewhere I’ll find someone better than you, but why is it so hard to let you go now when I never even had you? Why didn’t you even give me the chance to show you I could make you happy? Why did you decide to end things when I was so close to falling for you? How can you easily let go when we are obviously good for each other?

Why did you even let us start if you were planning to just end it so soon?

Why did you leave me thinking about the what if’s? Why all my attempts to reach out, you still chose to reject me? Why make an effort to make me feel special if you’d just let me spend my nights hurting after? Why, even after leaving without an explanation, I’d still choose you?

Lastly, I want to know, why didn’t you even give me the chance to fall in love with you?