When Your Heart Is Breaking, Remember This

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you and pushing you off the cliff. And that’s where you have a choice. Either you find yourself, spread your wings, and fly, or you fall to the ground and die from the impact. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I initially felt like falling to the pavement and smashing my head, AKA going out swinging. But that’s not exactly what happened. Because someone up there had a plan for me, and I went through with it and discovered so much about myself.

So when your heart is breaking, here’s what to remember.

When your heart breaks, remember that they left for a reason. A reason that probably has nothing to do with you. They left your life because you deserved better, because they weren’t the person you really wanted to begin with. They left because they couldn’t love you the way you loved them. And that’s okay. However much it hurts and however much you have to drink to forget them, they were never right for you.

When your heart breaks, remember that you are still here on this earth, still breathing. You have things to do, things to prove, people to meet, and places to experience. You can’t possibly call it quits with life and give up on yourself. Life has so much to give you and show you and let you experience. Whoever that person is, they are not worth you giving up on. So drink if you must, watch Netflix, but then get up, do your yoga, straighten your crown, and change the damn world.

When your heart breaks, remember that karma is a bitch. It’s good for you to hate it for a while, for a good while. Believe that everything you send into the world will come back to you. Believe that a person has to learn and go through a lot of different lessons before they can finally be happy and find the person for them. It’s okay to hate them for what they did, how they treated you, how they left you, and whatever else happened. There’s a time for hate and there’s a time for constructive criticism—you think about your behavior in that particular relationship, you write down what you think they did wrong and what you may have done wrong. And then you learn from it.

When your heart is breaking, you think about what you want. Maybe your ex was a way for God to show you exactly what you don’t want. Maybe they were a way for you to experience bliss, and yet they weren’t the one who cared about your relationship. They weren’t in the same place you were, so the same couldn’t be returned. Unfortunately, we are usually not at the same point in life, not looking for the same things. That’s why it’s important to tell the person you love in advance exactly what you want and where you’re going so you don’t lose yourself to someone who will hurt you so much because you wanted them to be something they weren’t.

When your heart breaks, think of yourself. No one will think of you if you don’t think of yourself. You have to do what’s best for you. Always. They want to come over in the middle of the night? No, you need your sleep. They want you to drive two hours to get to them even though they never paid attention to you? No way. Remember who you are. Remember what your values are and who you want the person around you to be. Not them—definitely not them.

Niki Banas says it best: “Soon, all of this weight you are carrying will fall gently away. Soon, these chains won’t be able to hold you anymore. Soon, your past will lose its grip on you and you’ll be free. No matter what you are going through right now, know that it really will be okay. It might not seem like it, but I promise you that soon you will make it through these rough waters and come out so much stronger on the other side. Soon, my beautiful friend.”