A List Of Demands For All Fuckboys

Please stop asking for nudes.

And no, this isn’t because I’m not comfortable with my body. I’m proud of my body, I embrace my body; my body is a fucking piece of art. But for that very same reason I’m not going to take a picture of it just because you keep begging for it. If I wanted you to praise it, you’d be doing so on my terms.

I’m fully aware for every picture I may send you, there’s another one you’re receiving from about a dozen other girls. I am not going to have my face and my bare breasts end up in a folder on your phone next to some other girl’s.

If I wanted you to look at my body naked, you would be looking at my body naked, most likely in real life. Trust me, you would be using more than just your eyes. If I wanted to send you a picture of it, I probably would do so without you having to ask. If we’re not dating, or if I don’t trust you, or if I simply don’t want to, I’m not going to be persuaded into sending you nudes.

Quit it with the unsolicited dick pics.

Honestly, nothing turns me off more than an unsolicited dick pic. Again, if I wanted you to see any part of me, you would be seeing me, and if I wanted to see any part of you, oh honey, I’d be doing so. Please think twice before sending me a generic picture of your dick next to a remote control (one I’m sure you’ve got saved to use in these situations.) A. If I wanted to look at what’s between your legs, I probably would have asked. B. What are you using a remote as – length reference? If you’re not my boyfriend, or someone I’ve established some sort of trust with, chances are all my girlfriends are looking at it, most likely laughing at it. Think twice before clicking send, and please wipe down your remote with antibacterial wipes before having a girl come over to “Netflix and chill.”

Stop hitting us up with “where that cat at” and “cum over” texts at 2 am.

Need I say more? Please don’t. That’s just gross. You’ve turned what could have been very good luck for you and a very fun time for both of us into a JUST NO. I could be willing to partake in a very laidback agreement but it doesn’t mean I don’t expect to be treated with respect. You should be so lucky we are even answering your texts; so just don’t go there. There are more respectful versions of you out there.

Stop acting like you’re special.
We don’t all want to date you. We aren’t all in love with you. Don’t get all bent out of shape and weirded out over a text, or over any kind of interest in your life or who you are as a person. If I like you, I will make it known.

Stop acting like what we have is more than it is when it isn’t.

Don’t tell us women things just because it’s what you think we want to hear. No. That not only makes you a liar but it makes you an asshole. Be honest. We can handle more than we’re given credit for. You’re just a guy we may or may not like, and there are many of you out there. You don’t have to act like whatever we have going on is more than it is when it’s not. Honestly, if this is the case, chances are what you want from us, is the very same thing we want from you. Again, not everyone wants to date you. We know the difference between there being a personal connection and a purely physical connection. Some of us need to hear the truth sometimes, whether it hurts or not. Some of us are just having fun while waiting on the right person, too. Some of us are just enjoying ourselves and not waiting on anyone period, just like you.

Stop speaking ill of other women to us.

We are living in 2017. More than ever, women stand together. More than ever women are looking at other women as sisters, more than ever women are respecting other women, more than ever women are supporting other women. You’re a man, don’t speak negatively about a woman, don’t badmouth a woman, don’t call a woman crazy. Chances are if you’ve encountered a number of “crazy” women, the issue lies with you and not them. We are intuitive enough to pick up on this.

Stop acting like we are dumb.

Again, women are intuitive. Women are smarter than you think, women are stronger than you think. We are not easily fooled. More often than not, we know the lie you’re going to tell before you tell it. Sometimes we don’t need to ask questions to get answers because we pick up on your actions, words, and behaviors. We may also be softer than most men, we may be more vulnerable than most men, but this makes us brave.

Stop taking “no” to mean maybe.

No means no. No does not mean maybe. No does not mean ask me again. No doesn’t mean persuade me. No simply means no. In any situation. Stop asking us to do things we’ve already said no to, things we may not be comfortable with. Don’t be that guy, don’t be that person. Please read the definition of no in a dictionary.

Stop touching us when we visibly aren’t into it.

Please. Stop putting your arm on our waists, on our backs, or grazing your hand against our ass. If it is clearly making us uncomfortable and if it’s clearly not being reciprocated you just need to stop. You don’t have a right to let your hands wander in uninvited places. I don’t care if you bought me a drink, if I was nice to you, if I smiled you, this doesn’t grant you permission to lay a finger on any part of me.

Stop acting like an asshole because you think women are into it.

We really aren’t. That game is so old. Don’t act like an asshole because you think we’re into it. No girl wants to be treated like anything other than the goddesses we all are. (See above: you really are lucky we’re talking to you at all.) Also, please stop acting like you’re not into us when you really are. Some other guy is going to come along that is more direct and not afraid to put himself out there, and that’s the one we’re going to go for.

Stop acting like feminists are mad.

Maybe you’re giving us something to be mad about. Ever think about that? We don’t hate men. We just demand equality and respect. While we’re on this subject, don’t assume feminists want to be treated like men. You can open the door for me, you can offer to help me with something, all I ask is that you acknowledge we’re capable to do the same things men do, that you treat me like I can think for myself, and that I deserve the same rights as you. Yes, I like it when men open doors for me, when men pull out chairs, when men help with a physically enduring task. I appreciate it, but please acknowledge that this does not mean that I need you.