How To Be A Bad Bitch

Bad Bitch (n.): a self-respecting, strong female who has everything together. This consists of body, mind, finances, and attitude; a woman who gets her way by any means necessary.

So I’m not totally thrilled about referring to a strong, beautiful, self-reliant female as a bitch of any sort. But these days, something about it changes when you throw the word “bad” before it. And for many of us who don’t take a derogative word too seriously, because- shockingly yes, we swear, it can become something positive. To each their own.

One thing I’ve always strived for in my life was to set myself apart from other girls. Not necessarily in a better way, but in a different way. I may have been basic in high school, with my band of loyal followers in the “M’Squad”, because wearing short skirts and heels and being voted best dressed did nothing for me except exasperate my Napoleon complex. But I felt like I was different from everyone else because of my ability to be a leader- like a 90’s version of Regina George, minus being rich and blonde and my knowing that butter is a carb.

This strong willed, uncompromising girl has been me for as long as I can remember, always having some degree of unwillingness to conform to anything unless I wanted to. I was destined to be a bad bitch. But this was something that waxed and waned over the years of my life and there were definitely periods of time where my inner bad bitch was suppressed.

But I’m feeling that now more than ever, especially with all the hype about basic vs. bad bitches (mostly learned by watching too many episodes of Vanderpump Rules and reading Amber Rose’s book) is a time when women are reflecting more on what sets them apart from others and where their inner positive sense of self comes from. Aka: being “bad”.

If you’re a bad bitch, you know where you get that strength and confidence from, and there are things that you will or will not do to maintain this status quo.

Looking good is just the bare minimum. Yes, it’s important to have hair on fleek, trust me, but it’s much deeper than being fine AF for attention. Bad bitches do not keep up appearances for others, they do it for themselves. Being happy with what they see in the mirror is a priority because it only adds to their confidence. They accentuate their best features and don’t hide their worst because they don’t compare themselves to others.

Even before Taylor Swift gave us squad goals, the importance of having and making girlfriends was never an issue for a bad bitch because confident girls do not feel threatened or jealous of other girls. One way you can always tell a basic bitch apart from a bad one, is to see if she has friends. Girls with no friends are not just basic bitches, they are actual bitches because if you can’t hang onto friends you probably can’t be trusted. Bad bitches don’t feel the need to put down other girls. They also do not mess with another girl’s man.

Bad bitches do not take everything personally, especially rejection. Yes, there are times when a man isn’t going to want her, even though she’s dope. But confident girls know that’s his issue, not theirs.

To her, it’s like buying shoes (pretend you have an endless amount of cash), and they all look good for different reasons. The Christian Louboutins are fancy AF, the Manolo Blahniks are classy, the Jimmy Choos are bold but the Payless and Target shoes look good too and are mad cheap, plus you can get more of them. In the end you decide that there’s just one that you prefer.

This is what it’s like when someone rejects a bad bitch. She knows it’s not a reflection of her not being good enough, it’s just someone’s preference for whatever reason. Maybe he just wanted something cheaper and looser that will easily fall apart because that’s all he needs or can handle at the moment. Not her problem.

Confident girls know that their worth is not determined by being “chosen” and they don’t internalize it when they aren’t.

Bad bitches are unapologetic. Sorry not sorry, they are not going to text that guy they haven’t heard from in days. He went a day without talking to her? He can go another one, and another one, she’s good. Even if she desperately misses him, is drunk on her couch listening to that song that reminds her of him, or is crying on the bathroom floor, all of which she does in complete privacy, she is NOT going to contact him. Because bad bitches have dignity.

They know that when a man wants her, he knows where and how to find her and that he will if he really wants to. If he doesn’t, she will eventually pull herself together and use her wits, charm and sex appeal to go get another one that sees her and says to himself, “Fuck yea I wanna sign up for that.”

Bad bitches do not let awful men consume them. They do not chase guys and do not allow themselves to give too many fucks about someone that is not decent enough for a girl of her caliber. Obviously, any girl is genetically structured to have feelings and have probably found it hard to resist that fuckboy at one point or another. However, what sets her apart from other girls is that if faced with that fuckboy, she will detach the hope for anything other than something physical- and knows that he isn’t worth stressing or chasing him for anything more. Their love life is like a Rihanna song, (post Chris Brown of course). They catch feelings, but if they aren’t reciprocated, they throw them back.

Bad bitches are smarter than your average girl. They read, but aren’t just book smart. It could be common sense smart, smart from experience, or just instinctually smart or, hell, all of the above. They don’t do this to “look” good, they do it because they hold themselves to a certain standard and want to have a connection to the things that interest them. There’s nothing basic about knowing your shit, whether it’s about the Civil War, Edwardian England, what happened on the last episode of Pretty Little Liars, how to wing eyeliner or all the lyrics to “Who Shot Ya”. There’s many layers to a bad bitch. She knows what she wants to know.

Bad bitches do not hold back who they are in fear of what others will think. But they also know when to be quiet or loud, sensitive or tough. They can be it all when they need to be.

No one has perfect circumstances, but a strong woman takes control of all facets in her life, even when she feels like crumbling. Bad bitches find a way. They make mistakes but learn from them. Most importantly they won’t compromise who they are-EVER.

It’s like I have always said, take me as I am or watch me walk the fuck away.