Lorenzo Jensen III

“Relax and have fun. Enthusiasm is sexier than whatever else you could possibly do.”

“When it’s been a long day, you finally lay down in bed and have that huge, satisfying full body stretch. I think I’ve literally heard this referred to as a ‘bedgasm.’”

“We take off our clothes and she has a brown doo-doo line in her underwear.”

“You can use my mouth anytime you want.”

“If I get home from work before my girlfriend, I will cuddle the cats and talk to them in a cute-ish high-pitched voice.”

Have you heard the one about the hanging mannequin that actually turned out to be a suicide victim?

The most persistent Halloween urban legend of all is the idea that somewhere in your hometown lurks a sadist who’s poisoning the Halloween candy he’s giving out to random trick-or-treaters.

“A woman smoking a cigarette. Something about a long draw on a cigarette and a long exhale makes a girl 1000% more attractive. Makes no sense, I know, ’cause cancer and so on, but damn.”

“When my male dentist has his hands in my mouth so I can’t really close it.”

“Watching a guy do outdoorsy things…watching a guy rock-climb, pitch a tent (pun intended), start a fire, etc. Anything that shows he is self-sufficient in nature. Huge turn-on.”

“Scratches/bruises/blood/dirt/sweat on a guy. Especially minor facial scratches. I don’t know why, but hot damn, every time the hero (or sometimes villain) of a movie gets a little beat up…hoo boy.”

“All of a sudden, a giant monstrous hand jumped out, grabbed the boy, and took him in to the lake.”