Lorenzo Jensen III

If you don’t want to stay up all night afraid to turn out the lights, do NOT look at these pictures.

“The 1987 Max Headroom broadcast intrusion. The people involved have never been caught.”

“The electronics in my car started to go haywire. The radio was randomly changing stations while the volume kept going up and down.”

“She went out on her usual bike ride in the morning but did not return by noon, so her mom called the police…”

“I forgive all of you—hope God forgives all of you, too.”

“Sex felt like putting a tampon in.”

Everyone makes bad decisions. But not everyone carries those bad decisions around on their body for the rest of their life.

“A barcode…and he got angry when his cell phone wouldn’t scan it.”

“I, um, let a dog lick peanut butter off my balls once.”

“Me: ‘That gap between your front teeth, now that is kinda cute.’
Her: ‘I…have a gap between my front teeth???’
Me: ‘Err, maybe…’”

“Called an Uber. Turns out her dad was the driver.”

“Men don’t steal my clothes as often when we break up.”

“She cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills, she said regular size.”

“He thought New York City was in California.”

“If you have to constantly say ‘trust me’ or ‘believe me.’ I neither trust nor do I believe you.”

“‘I would suck your dad’s d*ck just to get a taste of the recipe.’ What do you say to that????”

“A shaving-cream can. Value size.”

“When almost all of your Facebook photos look like escort ads.”