Lorenzo Jensen III

When I’m just about to cum, like literally a second away, please don’t change what you are doing. Don’t suddenly change speed or technique. Just keep doing EXACTLY what you were doing.

“The first time my wife and I had sex, she licked me clean afterwards. She hasn’t done it since.”

“She called out her brother’s name during her orgasm.”

“I got so proud that I was able to make a noose, I also decided to make some homemade ice cream.”

“On Throwback Thursday, I like to comment, ‘Wow! You used to be so pretty!’”

“That little gasp she makes the first time you slip it in.”

“I was looking at photo albums with my dad, stepmom, and stepsister. I noticed the eyes of all the people were becoming burnt and black. I screamed and threw the photo album down out of fear.”

“She set herself on fire after losing her baby.”

“I sneezed and somebody said ‘Bless You.’ I lived alone.”

“Right now I just don’t have anything that can compete with my Hitachi.”

“One of the sinks started dripping, not flowing, but dripping blood. Slowly. Like a f*cking horror movie.”

“One night I saw a black hooded figure with glowing red eyes at the foot of my bed.”

“Mommy, when you die I want to put you in a glass jar so I can keep you and see you forever.”

“Rubber Johnny…an isolated deformed (possibly hydrocephalic) teenager kept on a wheelchair and locked in a dark basement with his chihuahua.”

“The sounds of the Russians choking on their own blood as their head is slowly sawn off at the neck is something I will never forget.”

“She has a look of pure terror in her eyes. Her eyes widen, and she glances behind me. I catch a flash of new, fresh fear in her eyes, and she screams, ‘HE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!’”

“I purposely killed my mother with a drug overdose.”

“You try to scream. But your mouth will not move. Soon you discover that you cannot move your body, either. All of the straining and the willpower only lets you blink, or maybe move an index finger, if you’re lucky. There is no escape from this.”