Lorenzo Jensen III

“I ate chunky peanut butter out of my uncle’s mouth for 20 bucks.”

“I got a boner during my wedding ceremony.”

84.
I kinda hate myself for it but, man…I would pound Snooki like the fist of an angry god.

21.
I sometimes pull hard drives out of USB slots without safely dismounting them first. You know, like a badass.

“I must have said no a thousand times.”

4. “Bugs had started eating away at him.”

18. He got his chewing gum stuck in my bush.

1.
“Aww, look at it…it’s so cuuuute.”

1.
Female redheads are either very hot or very not.

Good sex is supposed to be something tender and loving—but not according to these people. For them, it involves hate, resentment, insults, and often extreme mutual physical abuse. (Found on AskReddit.) 1.

28. Spell out the alphabet with your tongue.

“I cannot stress enough the importance of avoiding girls who have daddy issues.”

23. Can Asians tell one another apart?

7. Picking their nose.

3. When people tell me that, as a minority, I should be offended.

20. People who are always talking about “truth” are callous assholes.

She may not be classically beautiful, but she is doing a beautiful job of muggin’ it up for the police photographer.

25. Does frosting turn a muffin into a cupcake?