Lorenzo Jensen III

“He decided to show me what an uncut penis looked like.”

8. Nerdiness.

12. I love a girl that blushes.

This one is sick. Do not read if you’re easily grossed-out.

4. Green eyes.

1. The way their back muscles move when they reach to grab something.

“My cat constantly hits the power button on my PS4 when I’m playing games with my friends.”

“Pudding. Stuck my dick in pudding.”

1. I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. —Woody Allen 2. Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. —Oscar Wilde 3. During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.

“My freshman year a girl had a nip slip in the yearbook.”

“When I realized that my best friend didn’t consider me hers.”

Found on AskReddit. 1. Touch the guards. You can mess around in front of them and they’ll ignore you, but touch them and prepare for a world of hurt. 2.

1. He had a skeleton collection.

Found on AskReddit. 1. “At some point, sex became a chore for her.” At some point, sex became a chore for her.

Found on AskReddit. 1. Fucked a cucumber while on Vicodin. I fucked a cucumber while on Vicodin. 2. Jerked off with a banana peel. Used a banana skin to fap. It was amazing. 3.

“It’s a baby doll being dragged by slowly by a string. He got out of there fast as he could.”

Found on AskReddit. 1. No foreplay. Just going in for the kill. Guys, seriously, we’re like ovens, we take time to warm up y’know? 2. Bad, open-mouth, hard kissing with the tongue flailing like a speared and desperate fish.

They say the best revenge is living well. I say it’s acid in the face—who will love them now? —Mindy Kaling