Lorenzo Jensen III

“In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat.”

“She was going nuts…talking in tongues and acting completely insane.”

1. You can’t blame gravity for falling in love. —Albert Einstein 2. The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down. —Unknown 3.

Found on AskReddit. 1. Why are the crazy ones the best in bed? Why mental/emotional stability is inversely proportionate to good sex. 2. Why do you keep dating assholes?

“Why do you draw penises on everything?”

“Why are testicles always slowly moving in the scrotum like a lava lamp?”

“You know, I think I’d rather dance with you.”

1. ”Wide Load” on a small penis.

Found on AskReddit. 1. “I wanted to vomit from the smell and his excitement.” Former piercer here. An older, rather smelly Army vet who wore kilts commando style came in to have his P.A.

“I f*cked a peanut-butter jar.”

“If you’re looking for a very simple way to make ramen extraordinary, go with Parmesan cheese.”

“He started believing he was a vampire. I began seeing him as having a not having a terribly strong grip on reality.”

“The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.”

“She sent me a video of herself in underwear. Waved at the camera, took a blade to her wrist, wiped the blood into her fingers and waved goodbye.”

“Lawdy lawdy miss Cookie… how’s do you keeps yo guts from fallin’ out ….?”

“It grossed me out! Male genitalia make me nauseous.”

1. The 400 Blows

“I whispered my brother’s name into her ear.”