Lorenzo Jensen III

“The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of color—oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples…”

Forget about the Briggs-Myers test; the best way to gauge someone’s personality is through whether they prefer dogs or cats.

1. You can pee anywhere on Earth.

9. You never have to worry about going bald.

1. Men get fat on the belly, women on the ass and thighs.

1. Women are the only ones in their right minds.

“Women lie about their age; men lie about their income.”

“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.”

“My dad’s speech to my brothers: Keep it in your pants. My dad’s speech to me: Keep your pants on.”

Where would your favorite female star fall on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator?

Where would your favorite male star fall on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator?

Here’s how each of the 44 US presidents probably would have scored on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

“I never swallow unless I’m in love, and I’ve never been in love.”

Pearls of wisdom from the only person in world history who’s both a country music star and a gay icon.

“In wine, there’s truth.” —Pliny the Elder

“If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize.”

1. Semen is much, much more than just sperm.

“There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.”
—Bette Davis