It’s Not So Easy Out Here For Guys: 40 Men Explain Why
"Men are expendable. It's literally our evolutionary role to stand between the tribe and danger because we're not the reproductive bottleneck."
1. Men are expendable.
“Men are expendable. It’s literally our evolutionary role to stand between the tribe and danger because we’re not the reproductive bottleneck.”
2. Women and children first.
“Do you know why, in the movie Titanic, they say ‘women and children first?’ Because men’s lives don’t mean shit.”
3. We’re not allowed to complain. We’re not even allowed to complain that we’re not allowed to complain.
“There are lots of thing to complain about, but I don’t because I’m a man.”
4. Our problems matter slightly less.
“Our problems matter slightly less to everyone.”
5. Men who have not done well financially or academically are seen as losers.
“Men who have not done well financially or academically are seen as losers. Women in a similar situation seem to get the benefit of the doubt.”
6. Emotionally abusive behavior is routinely presented as normal female behavior on TV either in commercials or in sitcoms.
“The biggest disservice men in America face is that we aren’t taught shit about abuse and abusive relationships. Emotionally abusive behavior is routinely presented as normal female behavior on TV either in commercials or in sitcoms. This conditions men to put up with a lot of damaging and unhealthy shit in relationships that they really shouldn’t put up with at all.”
7. Society teaches a narrative that all abusers are male.
“The narrative that abusers are male. No one teaches men how to recognize an abusive partner, and no one did a fucking thing about either of mine.”
8. We’re not allowed to hit women back.
“Growing up my older sister was habitually violent with me. My parents refused the punish or tell her to stop while at the same time made it clear to me they would have me arrested if I fought back.
It continued on even after I graduated high school and she graduated college.”
9. We do the dirty, dangerous, and often thankless jobs.
“Looking at mortality statistics for the job market for men is enough. We do the dirty, dangerous, and often thankless jobs.”
10. We’re third-class citizens behind women and the wealthy.
“Being a third-class citizen. The order of hierarchy in America is: Wealthy, female, male, vermin. Everyone cries, ‘but, muh patriarchy!’ It’s bullshit. Ever go to a government office? A department store? A school? They’re run by women every time. Sure, there’s probably some old dude with a fancy vest in an office somewhere who’s supposed to be ‘in charge’ but he’s mostly just there to take the blame when shit goes wrong and break up bitch-fights.”
11. If it’s a man being raped, it’s played for laughs.
“The way rape is depicted in media. If a woman is raped, it’s (rightly) shown as an earth-shattering event that will scar and define her. She will recover, and rebuild to be a stronger woman, but never be quite the same.
If it’s a man being raped, it’s played for laughs. Isn’t in funny that a MAN doesn’t want sex? That never happens! hyuck huyck hyuck.
Honestly, that rape scene from Eurotrip really screwed with my head and brought back a lot of bad memories…”
12. People don’t expect us to take care of our kids.
“‘That’s sweet! You’re watching the kids for their mother. Giving her a break, eh?’
No, asshole, I’m the father. This is my job, too.”
13. People don’t think we can be raped.
“This girl started hanging out with my group last year and started getting really flirty with me. I rejected her advances because I was already talking to someone, but she piled it on thicker every day. We went to a party and I started feeling nauseas so I lay down, and then minutes later, she came in. For twenty minutes, she kept straddling me and trying to take my dick out, which I kept rejecting because I was feeling sick and it was someone else’s house. She got really forceful and pissed off until my buddy came in, automatically realized something was up, and made an excuse about how we had to leave. Whenever I tell that story, people typically tell me that I should’ve pushed her off (she’s way taller than me and I was sick) or that I should’ve just let it happen ‘because sex with a girl dude!!’ Most people crack jokes—which I don’t mind because we’re all kinda assholes—but I know if the roles were reversed, someone in her position would be labeled disgusting. She basically faced no repercussions and now I get uncomfortable if a woman I don’t know is too handsy with me, like waitresses at bars.”
14. We’re expected to fight to defend a girl’s honor.
“When I’m at the bar, and someone hassles my girl. I am expected to go outside and fight them. Or I’m a pussy. I’ve had to fight two dudes because of this. Like I’m just trying to have a drink and relax but now I gotta fight you because you called my girl a cunt.
Or just in general. I’m a bigger dude so people are always trying to start shit with me to look big. And I’m always expected to react in a violent way. It’s getting fucking old.
If some chick were to hassle me my girl wouldn’t be expected to do shit. I’d get to laugh it off like I want to.”
15. We’re not allowed to be feminine.
“I’m a pretty feminine dude. Ex-wife and her father always loved to attack my masculinity and claim that I’m in the closet whenever they wanted to hurt me. Glad I’m done with them.”
16. We are obligated to change the water dispenser jug.
“I am obligated to change the water dispenser jug. If I don’t, I’m automatically an asshole.”
17. The amount of social services available to women are 10:1 compared to men.
“I used to volunteer at a homeless shelter who also worked with a local health clinic to offer free services for people who needed it. After working there, I can say the amount of social services available to women are 10:1 compared to men. Society does not give a fuck about grown men at all. If there’s a guy and a girl needing a bed and there’s one left, the guy is sleeping on the street tonight. Not saying women should sleep on the street, its just how it is. I feel that’s a reason why suicide rates are much higher for men than women too. It all correlates indirectly.”
18. We’re not all the same.
“This is a small one, but it irks me all the same. Occasionally a female friend will drop a ‘this thing that you just did confirms it for me yet again. All men are the same!’ In a triumphant tone, as she refers back to a bad/shit experience with someone in her past.
I can see that it speaks more about her insecurities and hang ups, but it still feels sexist to me, to be classified as a ‘lowly’ guy to my face without actually having done something to deserve it.
Half the time I don’t even understand ‘why’ they would even say that in the first place.
I just nod curtly, go ‘hmmm,’ and walk away.”
19. No love for working dads.
“Seeing page after page on Facebook talking about how hard it is to be a working mother and how working mothers have the toughest job in the world. How about a little love for involved, working fathers?”
20. Older women are allowed to slap our asses without repercussions.
“I am the only male in an office of fifteen or so women. I’m younger than most of their kids. Two of them have smacked my ass (playfully, nothing malicious) in the four years that I’ve been here. Really not a big deal but flip the gender ratios and you’d have a scene straight out of Mad Men.”
21. Being a ‘provider’ is indentured servitude.
“I am expected to get a job that can house and feed an entire family, and if at any point I lose that job it is totally acceptable for my wife to take my money and kids from me.”
22. Women assume they know exactly how easy it is to be a man.
“Being told by women that because I’m a man I have absolutely no idea what challenges women face while these same women assume they know exactly how easy it is to be a man.”
23. Women accuse innocent men of impropriety all the time.
“I have degrees in sociology and higher education administration, have been the director of Multicultural Student Affairs and Women’s Resource Centers at a half-dozen colleges, and advised numerous clubs and fraternities for minority students. I have been in charge of initiatives and scholarship programs for minority students with skills but come from underperforming schools. I have been a Title IX investigator and know more about sexual harassment and assault on the campuses I’ve worked than anyone. I have a wall full of awards and recognition from over 20 years in higher education.
Every fall, a freshman lectures me in front of his or her friends about my privilege while they are praised for putting me in my place. My privilege is explained to me every time I start a new job somewhere or join a new committee. I am white, I am male, I am straight. Therefore I am accused of ‘mansplaining’ if I should suggest I may know something about a topic not normally associated with white, straight men.
I have also been accused of sexual harassment four times in my career. In all four of those cases, I was able to prove I wasn’t even in the same zip code at the time of whatever alleged action was suggested. Women accuse men who have done nothing of impropriety all the time. All. The. Time. I investigated six sexual assault accusations one year, and five of them eventually led to a closed case because the young woman admitted she was lying.”
24. Men can’t be bisexual.
“Men can’t be bisexual or even bi-curious, but women absolutely can. If a man shows any bi-curious tendencies, he’s just gay and in denial.
If you’re a ‘stay at home dad,’ you’re basically a worthless freeloader. If you’re a ‘stay at home mom,’ you’re strong.
Clothing—men have to wear suits to formal events no matter how hot it is, women can wear short dresses no problem. Women can wear any range of swimwear to the beach, men (at least in America) who wear speedos are considered perverts and/or weirdos despite the speedo covering them up more than women’s bottoms do.”
25. False rape accusations should put people in jail.
“Not on a daily basis personally, but maybe how when rape is accused, almost everyone backs the woman, and the man’s reputation is completely and utterly destroyed before any trial or proof comes to light.
False rape accusations should put people in jail. The psychological damage of having everyone you know and love turn against you warrants the accuser going to jail.”
26. Being told you’re not a man if you don’t know how to fix things, work on cars, have a low voice, short, no beard, small hands, etc.
“Being told you’re not a man if you don’t know how to fix things, work on cars, have a low voice, short, no beard, small hands, etc.
Usually it’s women who are older 30+ that think this. They all seem to want the big cavemen-looking guys.
I get the feeling I’m looked at as a kid almost because I’m shorter.”
27. Being a short male fucking sucks.
“If you are a short male and own a nice car, you are compensating.
If you are a short male and work out, you are compensating.
If you are a short male and are CEO of your own company, you are compensating.
Being a short male fucking sucks.
Girls have no idea, and it kills me when I’m told I have this male privilege that appears to only be reserved for tall/wealthy/attractive men.
Then again, guys and girls alike will tell me it’s all in my head even though there is raw data proving all of these claims and more.”
28. Unmarried men are viewed as Pans, sexual predators, or addicted to drugs, alcohol, or porn.
“Marriage/divorce is the most sexist institution on earth. If you acknowledge that as a male, you literally have nothing to gain and everything to lose by getting married, you are shunned.
My buddy caught his wife giving a blowjob to another dude…you think he divorced her? FUCK NO!!! You know why? Because she will rape his ass in the divorce. She don’t own shit, she hasn’t paid for shit and if he divorces her she gets half his shit. Great decision for him to get married wasn’t it? Even if she doesn’t cheat; she has you by the balls and she knows it. She can turn into anything she wants and come divorce time, he is going to get ruined and she will be seen as the victim. It doesn’t matter how big of a bitch she is; she always has a support network there for her to tell her how great she is and how awesome she is.
Not only that. Imagine the moral injury of having to write a check out every month to the bitch who fucked you over. Women get to move on. Men get ordered by the court to relive the trauma on a monthly basis. ‘Time to write my check to the cheating whore again. Well this is nice.’
Single men are the new ‘old maids.’ Something must be terribly wrong with them if they aren’t married with children, right? It couldn’t possibly be that the institution is biased and they are smart enough to see it. Unmarried men are viewed as Peter Pans, sexual predators, or addicted to drugs, alcohol, or porn.”
29. Men literally built the world. Every road, building, school, water treatment plant, bridge, etc., was built by a crew of 99% men. Workplace deaths are massive because of this.
“Just an observation. I used to do commercial construction work and have gotten the chance to observe and work alongside thousands of people over the years. Men literally built the world. Every road, building, school, water treatment plant, bridge, etc., was built by a crew of 99% men. Workplace deaths are massive because of this. Also there are myths on the gender pay gap and employment opportunities. If a woman applied to our company, we would hire her no questions asked simply because her employment helps our diversity numbers because we have government construction jobs. Basically because of your vagina, you get a job. You don’t have to do anything, we’ll actually find something for you to do just to keep you busy. There is a massive myth that women are banging down the door looking to become heavy crane operators and drywallers. It’s just not true.”
30. Women always seem to get more time off from work.
“I’ve worked in retail, health care, tourism and in publishing, and throughout my entire working life, no matter the gender of the supervisor/manager, no matter the vacation/PTO policy—women always seem to get more time off from work. The culture of every place I’ve worked always frowns upon men taking time off—while it assumes that women will avail themselves of all available time off. There’s real teeth to this unspoken rule, because I have seen men hurt their reputations and careers when they have ignored this unspoken rule. It’s assumed that women will avail themselves of their time off, but it is very clearly frowned upon when men take time off—no matter who is in charge—man or woman.”
31. We’re expected to fix everything and/or replace anything that isn’t working.
“In almost every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve been expected to fix everything and/or replace anything that isn’t working. I’ve been asked to drive 45 minutes to my girlfriend’s mother’s house to replace her toilet seat because “you’re a guy. Guys do that stuff.”
Also, when dating, it’s astounding how much I’m expected to pay for. Sorry, after you don’t offer to pay for anything on the first two dates, we’re not going out again.”
32. We do all the heavy lifting.
“The job I work at has about 90% women working across all departments. Almost all of management are women, and the CEO is a woman. whenever furniture of any kind needs to be moved. they call upon the five guys who work there to move it. Now I personally don’t mind when stuff like this happens because I’m of a mind that men and women are indeed different in many ways naturally. and for the vast majority of the population, men will be stronger than a woman of similar size. but when you are in a business setting, and there’s always talk of equality between the genders, you might want to rethink why it’s only the men who are doing the literal heavy lifting…”
33. We cannot call our friends ‘boyfriends.’
“I’ve lamented this before, and as I’ve said I’ll continue to do so until men have equal rights in this department, but it is extremely unfair, and the ultimate epitome of sexism that a lady is allowed to call her friends her ‘girlfriends,’ but a man absolutely cannot call his friends his ‘boyfriends.’
No, I’m not letting this go, it’s not right and us men need to collectively get our rights back in this arena.”
34. We’re expected to always want sex.
“Recently told a girl I have been dating that I don’t want to have sex with her just yet, she went from the sweetest girl on the planet to full blown bitch because I won’t fuck her.
The irony is I’m the one she perceives as a bitch because I won’t just man up and just fuck her. Maybe I am being a bitch, but there’s nothing more off-putting than using emasculation in an attempt to fuck, a man. The presumption I would just fuck her because I am a man is the reason I started to have doubts in the first place.”
35. Society pressures us to sacrifice our health and sanity for a high-paying job.
“If a man has no or a low paying job he’s seen as a lowlife. If a woman has no or a low paying job she’s seen as ‘following her dreams.’ I’m all for equal pay for equal work, but I refuse to believe there is an actual gender pay gap. Men literally sacrifice everything in their life for their work because our perceived worth as a human is directly related to our bottom line. Women CAN and DO make great CEOs or whatever high paying job you choose, but men CHOOSE to make the sacrifices necessary to reach the top more often than women. Or women drop out of the work force to be a stay at home mom before they were able to reach the top of the business world. I think that’s an excellent choice btw, my wife is the primary caretaker of our kid instead of some stranger. My point being, if you take average dollars earned by a man next to average dollars earned by a woman, it IS going to look discriminatory, but it’s completely voluntary. Men choose (or society pressures us) to sacrifice our health and sanity for a high-paying job while women are more free to follow their heart to a low-paying job.”
36. Men can be whatever they want…so long as they are the breadwinner, provide physical security for the household, and do the physically difficult chores.
“My biggest gripe is being told that I can’t comment on something because I’m a man. It’s basically ‘go away sweetie, men are talking,’ but in reverse, and coming from someone who would become murderous if they were treated that way.
Beyond that, my complaint is that, in general, while women’s roles have evolved in the past 50 years (women can be whatever they want), men’s roles haven’t. Men can be whatever they want…so long as they are the breadwinner, provide physical security for the household, and do the physically difficult chores. And when men stray from those roles and expectations—e.g., by being a stay-at-home dad while the wife earns the income—women are all too ready to criticize the man for his choices. (And some men do too, which is fucked up, but that’s self-inflicted harm.)”
37. Everyone just expects you to be masculine, but not too masculine.
“Everyone just expects you to be masculine, but not too masculine…in a weird, double-standard way…even while disavowing ‘toxic’ masculinity. You need to be competitive in the workplace and exude confidence at all times…but not too competitive or confident, because that would be toxic. You need to be a provider…but not too much of a provider, because then you’re taking away opportunities from others. You need to be huge and tall and muscular with a big dick…which are all caused by testosterone, but testosterone also causes anger and aggression, which is bad (only bad when directed at some, but actually a desired virtue when directed at others because it means you can protect your loved ones and make them feel safe). With its mouth society says ‘don’t be masculine’…and then with all of its actions it rewards ultra-masculinity.”
38. We’re not allowed to order fruity drinks without people throwing shade.
“When a girl orders a fruity drink at the bar it’s fine, but when I guy orders a fruity drink I get a weird look and accusations of my masculinity.”
39. Suicide attempts? ‘Dude, just get over it.’
“I should ‘enjoy the attention’ from being sexually assaulted, that I couldn’t have been abused in a relationship. Depression? ‘Man up.’ Suicide attempts? ‘Dude, just get over it.’ Office dress codes are usually pretty bad too; at my old job, I got an official talking to for wearing shorts and sandals from someone wearing shorts and sandals. It’s ‘inappropriate’ for men to wear them in a business setting, but not women.”
40. Girl wants sex from a guy who rejects her = he must be gay.
“Guy wants sex from a girl who rejects him = get lost you sleazy creep. Girl wants sex from a guy who rejects her = he must be gay.”
