27 Things Men Totally Envy About Women
1. THEY ARE PRESUMED INNOCENT
“Innocence bias. Women truly have to be proven guilty, sometimes several times over. And even sometimes, that isn’t enough.”
2. THEY CAN’T GO BALD
“They can’t go bald.”
3. THEY HAVE BETTER SEX TOYS
“Women have way better sex toys.”
4. THEY LIVE LONGER
“Women live longer.”
5. THEY DON’T GET INCONVENIENT BONERS
“Not having to worry about having a serious conversation while hiding a boner.”
6. THEY HAVE BOOBS
“I envy them having a body part that seemingly every gender and sexuality appreciates: Boobs. None of my heterosexual female or homosexual male friends fail to appreciate boobs, and obviously the heterosexual male, homosexual female, and bisexual friends appreciate them. Meanwhile, I honestly have no idea what-if-any body part I have that people appreciate, much less could hope to compete with the appreciation of boobs.”
7. THEY CAN GET CUDDLES WHENEVER THEY WANT
“It’s probably a lot easier for them to get a cuddle buddy whenever they are feeling the need for some physical affection. Envy that pretty hard.”
8. THEY CAN GET LAID WHENEVER THEY WANT
“The ease of finding someone, even just for a night. I work out, eat good, I don’t look terrible. I work, own a car, have my own place etc. But it takes too much work to get even a single date that I don’t bother. But when you talk to a female friend about it. They don’t get it, the don’t understand the amount of effort that goes into dating, because for them, it just happens.”
9. THEY’RE ALLOWED TO CRY
“Being able to be emotionally vulnerable, I’m going through a pretty hard time right now and I wish I could just cry, I wish I could show what I’m feeling without being judged. Honestly I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s OK.”
10. THEY DON’T HAVE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE
“They don’t have to make the first move.”
11. THEY DON’T GET WEIRD LOOKS WHEN THEY’RE OUT WITH THEIR KIDS
“Women don’t get weird looks when out with their kids. Almost every time I do anything with my four-year-old son I get weird looks from people like I’m some pedophile who captured him. Doesn’t help when he’s acting up in a store and I have to carry him out.”
12. THEY’RE NOT ASSUMED TO BE PEDOPHILES IF THEY WORK WITH CHILDREN
“As a teacher: the ability to form meaningful relationships with students without being labelled a weirdo or a closeted pedophile. Also, having your work ethic not be constantly questioned and compared to your female peers. I knew what I was getting into when I started looking for jobs in education, but it’s really gotten to me recently. :(”
13. THEY HAVE MORE FASHION CHOICES
“Women having a lot more flexibility in what they can wear, especially to work. I’m stuck with slacks & a polo/dress shirt, while women can wear all sorts of different stuff. They can wear sandals in the summer, boots in the winter, dresses, pants, skirts, etc.”
14. THEY CAN CROSS-DRESS, AND NO ONE BATS AN EYELID
“That women wearing men’s clothes is perfectly acceptable, but the same can’t be said for men wearing something meant for a woman. For example, me and a friend of mine swapped hoodies, mine clearly meant for men, and hers clearly meant for women. No one batted an eyelid when she wore that hoodie, I got weird looks when I wore a hoodie meant for a woman.”
—christopher1393
15. THEY CAN IMPROVE THEIR GENITALS
“Kegels will tighten a woman up. No amount of exercise is going to make my Johnson bigger.”
16. THEY CAN BE FREE WITH THEIR EMOTIONS
“Being able to be free with their emotions, and calling their friends ‘girlfriends.’ Dudes are expected to bottle shit up and it’s like we’re not allowed to show physical affection toward our guy friends outside a half bro-hug and a handshake or high five.”
17. THEY CAN MONETIZE THEIR SEXUALITY
“I envy a woman’s ability to be able to monetize her sexuality.
Being able to make a living from doing cam-shows, being an escort who can pick and choose her clients, or just being able to make money out of something innocuous which happens to be some weirdo’s fetish.
And even if overt sexual displays aren’t your thing, they can still make lots if money through ‘softcore’ activities such as Instagram, YouTube, and Twitch.”
18. THEY ARE PROTECTED BY THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM
“Women are protected by the people around them, so if someone assaults a woman on a train everyone is most likely going to help. If someone assaults a man he is expected to fight for himself. I’m a 145-pound man with emotional instabilities, I could use the help.”
19. THEY CAN COUNT ON THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS
“If they’re upset about anything, they can cry and a dozen men will jump to fix it. If I’m upset cuz someone came into my work and talked to me about my brother who committed suicide I get told to man up and get back to work.”
20. THEY’RE SEEN AS HUMAN
“It would be nice to be seen as human rather than an emotionless workhorse and provider.”
21. THEY HAVE LESS MESSY ORGASMS
“Not having nearly as much ‘clean up’ after orgasm.”
22. THEY’RE ALLOWED TO CRY
“When women cry people approach them, ask them if they’re OK and try to comfort them. When I cry I get a strange look or get told to toughen up.”
23. THEY DON’T HAVE THEIR GENITALS CUT AT BIRTH
“Women in the US don’t have their genitals cut at birth. It’s gotta be nice to not be missing something and I’m jealous.”
24. THEY GET TO BE PICKY
“Girls get to be picky while guys have to get lucky.”
25. THEY’RE CONSIDERED VALUABLE, NOT EXPENDABLE
“How they aren’t drafted in to the Army and expected to kill/die for their country. How they can express emotions and not be called weak. How it seems like they’re considered valuable, something to protect, while as men are expendable, something that protects.”
26. THEY’RE ALLOWED TO EXPRESS SELF-LOVE AND CONFIDENCE
“The many different ways women have to express self-love and confidence whether sexually or physically. For men it feels limited and awkward to do, I guess it’s stigmatized but I wish there were more options, I just don’t know what.”
27. MULTIPLE ORGASMS!
“The ability to have multiple orgasms in a row.”
