23 DUMB Things Men Do In Bed That They Need To Stop Doing Right Now
When I’m just about to cum, like literally a second away, please don't change what you are doing. Don't suddenly change speed or technique. Just keep doing EXACTLY what you were doing.
1. Changing speed when it feels good.
“When I’m just about to cum, like literally a second away, please don’t change what you are doing. Don’t suddenly change speed or technique. Just keep doing EXACTLY what you were doing. The amount of times this has happened to me, and it changes a potentially mind blowing orgasm into a meh one.”
2. Crushing me with your body weight.
“When they are on top and don’t hold up their body weight. You weigh more than me, don’t crush me. Results in me having to be on top 9/10.”
3. Cumming, flopping over, and falling asleep.
“The classic ‘once he’s done it’s all over’ flop, leaving her hanging. Sure, you’re knackered, but try mustering that last little bit of energy to do something for her.”
4. Forcing me to deep-throat you harder. Do you WANT puke all over your dick?
“I cannot stand it when my boyfriend tries to make me deep throat harder than I actually can, when he puts his hand on my back of my head kinda forcing it closer and closer, ya know what I mean? Like dude, do you WANT puke all over your dick?”
5. Rubbing my clit after I’ve orgasmed.
“Rubbing my clit after I’ve orgasmed. That shit hurts. If I tell you don’t touch it…I mean it…I’m not just being coy and cute. It fucking hurts.”
6. Staying silent.
“Stay relatively silent until they cum. Let your moans the whole way through, it makes it way better.”
7. Rubbing my clit like you’re scratching off a scratch card.
“Don’t rub my clitoris like you are scratching off a scratch card. Also please don’t squeeze my tits super hard, yes they are attached. And while I’m here, if you finish before me, at least have the decency to help me finish too.”
8. Pounding me as deep as you can.
“Pound me as deep as they can. Hitting a woman’s cervix is extremely painful, and the bigger the guy is, the more likely it is to happen.”
9. Immediately pulling off my clothes and inserting the dick.
“Immediately pull off my clothes and insert the dick. Just because you are hard doesn’t mean I’m magically turned on. I need a few minutes to become lubricated! Try some kissing, touching with clothes on, slowly taking clothes off, etc. I need foreplay too, and no your dick hitting my clit right before insert doesn’t count!”
10. Cumming in my hair on a weeknight.
“Please don’t cum in my hair on a weeknight. I’m likely up late boning you, so I don’t want to wake up early enough to wash my hair before I go to work.”
11. Refusing to stop when I tell you to.
“When I say ‘stop’ or ‘I’m not feeling it’ to something we’ve done in the past, actually just stop. I wasn’t lying before that I like it, but some sex things are affected by mood. If I’m not in the mood, I don’t want it. Forcing the issue or acting pout-y because I’m not into something that night isn’t sexy or fun.”
12. Trying to stick it in my ass all the time.
“Try to stick it in my ass all the time. You can ask and I’ll say yes or no, don’t pretend it slipped.”
13. Pressing my clit hard like it’s an elevator button.
“Hey, umm, my clit is super sensitive. Light, feather strokes of the hand, please. Do not press your fingers into it. It’s not an elevator button.”
14. Power-thrusting forever.
“Power thrusting hurts my cervix and/or anus. Please not. Safewords are to be accepted at all costs.”
15. Telling me to cum.
“‘Cum for me, baby.’ Just because you say it doesn’t mean I can flick a switch and just cum. That shit takes concentration. Like, if you wanna say it, cool. Just say it AS I’m cumming and we’re golden.”
16. Shoving my head down when I’m blowing you.
“Don’t shove my head down when I’m giving you head. Obviously you can touch my head/hair or ask me to do something but it’s rude to just shove my head onto your dick.”
17. Moving your finger from my ass to my pussy.
“Less of: Putting a finger up my butt and THEN trying to finger my vagina. Wtf, guys? Seriously disturbed by the number of men who don’t get that you can’t do this. It’s basically a guaranteed infection.”
18. Suckling on my breasts like you’re a baby.
“Don’t suckle on my breasts like a baby. Really. I know, I have big boobs and many guys enjoy that, but I’m not your mom. (Not that I don’t enjoy it at all, but so many guys spend 5 minutes or more just suckling at my teat without doing anything else lol).”
19. Keeping your shirt on.
“Guys that don’t take off their shirts during sex. Why? It’s uncomfortable it gets sweaty and its not sexy. Why would you do all that in order to not be naked from the waist up. I get that some people are selfconscious but again I obviously found you attractive enough to sleep with you so just take the damn shirt off.”
20. Keeping your socks on.
“Keep their socks on.”
21. Staying quiet.
“Staying quiet the whole time sucks so much. I talk a lot during sex in order to get a reaction or a conversation going so it doesn’t feel awkward and rapey. Please talk about anything. It can range from the sex we’re having or about some random thing you saw on the street. You can even moan or talk dirty, I don’t give a fuck. Not being silent is key.”
22. Lasting too long.
“Lasting for a really long time. Like 8-10 mins is good. But I have stuff to do. I honestly get bored and distracted if it lasts much longer than that, especially if it’s the same position for a while.”
23. Hold off on cumming for HOURS.
“Hold off on cumming for HOURS. Yes, it’d be cool if you didn’t cum in 30 seconds, but you don’t have to prove to me that you ‘can go all night.’ My vagina is gonna get sore from the constant thrusting pretty quick. If you happen to cum quick, rad! I must be doing something right! Now let’s focus on my clit and if you can REALLY go all night by the time in done you’ll be ready for round two. I had a guy buy numbing spray once so he could be the fucking energizer dick bunny. He has no idea where he put it after that first night. That’s because I put it in the dumpster out back.”
