27. The constant threat of violence either toward me or her if I didn’t just fuck her was like the Sword of Damocles hanging over me.

“There’s an odd cognitive dissonance as to what is considered rape to a man and what is considered rape to a woman. Consent doesn’t seem to factor into it, neither does position of power—only what recreational equipment you possess.

While I might be exaggerating, I would categorize my experience as a systematic, direct assault on who I was by violating me in several ways. The way this woman treated me was aggressively apathetic toward my wants. Our relationship had a lot of problems, and not all of them were on her, but the constant threat of violence either toward me or her if I didn’t just fuck her was like the Sword of Damocles hanging over me. One small wrong move and the whole thing would just boil over and turn into a nightmare. Worse is that she knew what she was doing, she fucking knew that she was stripping away who I was as a man and she didn’t care.

Before I ever realized that it was rape and not just, you know, a dysfunctional relationship, I would tell people what would happen. Basically everyone would tell me it was a fucked-up situation and that it sucked that I was in that position. It wasn’t until nearly a year after our relationship ended I was with a group of friends and recalling stuff for someone who hadn’t heard and she stared at me in disbelief at how casually I recanted my experiences. I told so many people how it hurt, how it took me apart bit by bit, but it wasn’t until I spoke to her that it ever clicked. The words hit harder that I could have imagined because it wasn’t just everyone around me, it was myself as well, I never thought of it like it was. A single sentence completely fucked me, ‘Harold, I don’t mean to be so forward, but that’s not just not normal, you were raped.’ A quick chuckle, a diverted gaze, and then it just kind of washes over you like ‘Holy shit, I was raped.’

There has been nothing else in my life that I have experienced that has made me feel so weak, so defenseless, and so devastated as to realize that, yea, I was raped.

So, to me, the thing people don’t know (other than victims or first degree to a victim) is that people will go to extreme lengths both voluntarily and involuntarily to avoid that word. It doesn’t fit your personal narrative until the moment that it does and your walls are knocked down and you start the rebuilding process over again.”
—HaroldSax

28. I was told that I should ‘shut up about it because no one will ever believe me because she’s too charismatic.’

“Nobody who knows the person who sexually assaulted you will believe you at first.

In fact, pretty much no one will believe you.

Feminists say this is toxic masculinity or something of that sort. Yet most of the people doubting me were feminists!

I was told by one that I should ‘shut up about it because no one will ever believe me because she’s too charismatic’ another said about my rapist that ‘it’s absolutely disgusting that so many people have made such horrible allegations against her.’

The way I see it, if you make an allegation against someone with more power or social capital than you, don’t expect anyone to believe it.

In my case, it was only when she lost a whole bunch of social capital that these people started to believe what I had been saying about her.

A few years after it all happened they took me aside one by one and apologized for doubting me.”
—CousCousOtterCat