34. She stole our cat because she said it had fallen in love with her cat.
“When I still lived with my folks we got a pair of rescue cats. They had apparently been born on a farm and not seen people for the first few months of their life so they were a bit skittish and weren’t particularly affectionate.
One of them started wandering and was drawn towards one of the neighbor’s across the cul-de-sac. She was an older woman of about 60 and the local weirdo/miserable bitch. Our whole street participated in a street party during the Queen’s golden jubilee. Out of about 100 people she was the only one that didn’t want to take part and then tried to drive her car through all the tables of food people had laid out.
Anyway, it turns out that she didn’t own any cats but was leaving cat food out for stray cats (and seagulls). She was also leaving her doors open so cats could come inside her house and would then lock them in overnight, essentially stealing cats.
My Dad is cat mad so he was gutted someone was trying to steal his cat. We went and spoke to her to tell her to stop, but she justified what she was doing by claiming our cat was in love with one of the other cats she’d stolen.
‘It would break my heart to split them up! They’re so in love, I’ve seen them in the garden together….romping!’
She wasn’t however prepared to actually take on proper ownership of any of these cats, including vet bills. She suggested that if the cat she’d stolen of ours got sick, we should pay any vet bills. Fuck that.
We couldn’t stop the cat from going over there so we had to take them back to the cat’s home and they got re-homed together out in the sticks.
My Dad got another Cat, a kitten his niece found in a bush. That Cat worships my Dad as a God and they’ve since moved away from the crazy cat lady of the cul-de-sac.”
—WaahnPunch
35. Wild, screaming, wall-banging sex.
“I once lived in an apartment where I had neighbors, above, below, and beside me, right next to my bedroom. All three of them were young, early-20s women with very active sex lives, and the walls were thin, you could hear a mouse fart next door. On any given night at least one or two of them were going on it like little porn stars, having wild, screaming, wall-banging sex. Sometimes I could even hear the wet, sloppy sloshing sounds. A few times, all three of them were getting plowed on the same night, at the same time. It was like a fucking contest or something Mostly, though, they staggered their sessions, so one girl would get laid from 10 to 11. Then the other one would start up from 12 to 1. And finally the girl upstairs would come home from the bar with her guy-of-the-night and fuck from 2 til 3.
Normally, I’d have been thrilled in a situation like that. It’s almost like having free porn. But I was working full time, and after about a week of being dead tired every day, I was ready to call the cops and report a murder. That’s often what the screams sounded like.”
—thudly
