Boners of Shame: 20 Men’s Most Embarrassing Public Erections (NSFW)

1. During my wedding.

I got a boner during my wedding ceremony. My wife was showing some serious cleavage, as were the bridesmaids. I’m talking diamond hard. Took almost the entire ceremony to go down. Thankfully, with the angle I was standing and my tux, it was mostly hidden.

2. Morning wood in front of mom.

I was on a trip one time which made me be in a car for 30 hours straight. I fell asleep, with my mom driving (I was in the passenger seat). When i woke up it was about 7 am, and as any other male, I had morning wood, which my mom happened to glance at. I covered it with a pillow, but it was rather awkward for a while.

3. “Mourning” wood at grandma’s funeral.

Oh boy. I feel like this is one of those things that girls just can’t understand, like how a guy just won’t ever fully understand what it’s like having a period. Here’s my best analogy.

Imagine, if you will, that when an attractive guy talked to you, your boobs doubled in size. You can’t control it, they just do it all by themselves, like how you can’t control your heart beating.

Now imagine you’re sitting front-row, at your grandmother’s funeral. This is a sad day. You loved your grandma, and now Nana’s in a casket three feet in front of you, about to be buried. You’re wearing a black dress, very modest, when you feel a twinge in your chest. Oh fuck, not now! You look down at your chest, and there it is, they twitched, they’re expanding. Fuck me, why the fuck is this happening now!?!? You cross your arms, hoping to shield the fact that your boobs are steadily increasing, getting too big for your bra and dress, except you just know that people can notice it. I mean, you are doing the most obvious movements possible that every girl does when her boobs double in size, the arms crossed, the leaning forward in your chair, the narrowing of the shoulders. You’re feeling extremely uncomfortable and acutely aware of a thousand imagined eyes on you, since your top blatantly no longer fits you. In the front row, of Nana’s funeral.