22. A Nascar Fan
“I dated a girl who had a full blown pic of Dale Earnhardt Jr, standing by his race car, tattooed on her lower back… She tried to explain it , but just ended up showing me because I couldn’t take her seriously… The tattoo itself wasn’t a deal breaker, but her lack of a sense of humor about it was… How are lewd comments about nutting on Jr’s face not funny?”
23. Someone Outside Started Clapping
“‘I make a lot of noise.’
Holy fucking shit she wasn’t kidding, it was almost like in a porn. During her orgasm it was exactly like in a porn, so much that (we were in an hotel) someone somewhere outside the room started clapping.
I would like to tell you that this was because of me, but she simply yelled like a banshee during sex.”
24. A Little Clumsy
“She told me that she was a little clumsy.
That was the biggest understatement ever. Never have I seen someone with such a level of clumsiness. She was a walking disaster. she fell out of bed. Twice. She twitched so uncontrollably when she came that she hit me with her elbow in the face (If you’re wondering reverse cowgirl).”
25. “Momma Didn’t Raise A Quitter”
“So this guy and I met online and he came over to watch movies one night. We were texting one day leading up to our movie night and the topic of sex came up. We were very comfortable with each other for not having met before in person and we both wanted to discuss our expectations for that night. We agreed if things were to go down it would be alright but also if nothing happened that was fine too.
We were almost done with our discussion and dude throws in an ‘oh btw I have a huge dick’. I shrugged it off because what 20 year old guy online doesn’t have a ‘huge’ dick?
Fast forward to movie night and we go to my room to go to bed. We are making out and things are getting heated. We both end up naked and out of the corner of my eye I see his dick. IT WAS SO MASSIVE. The only accurate comparison I have been able to make is that it’s the size of a Pringle can. I mean it caught my attention from my peripheral vision – that has to say something. Right?!
Anyway my jaw must have hit the floor because he starts laughing and says we don’t have to continue if I didn’t want to. I said I was fine trying and taking things slowly (momma didn’t raise a quitter). I lasted about 15 seconds.”
26. She Wouldn’t Believe Him
“Opposite of this, was not believed.
‘I’m kinda big, and you’re kind of small, sure this will work?’ ‘Yeah just need lube.’
She had a copper implant. I hit her cervix (and implant) in four different positions in under 10 minutes before we found a suitable position. Not only did I feel her cervix, I felt the implant, not fun.
It was on our sides and the second my hips touched tush I had to start pulling back in order to not hit it.”
27. The Watchful Gaze Of Our Lord Satan
“She asked if we could do it on the couch not in her room. I joked about having a messy room. she sad no its not messy. I joked do you have an alter to satan. Her eyes got huge… ‘Who told?’ Long story short (too late!) she showed me her room, showed me her alter to the devil, got a beej, got to finger her, and got her to let me nut on her face, all under the watch full gaze of satan.”
28. Like Her Thighs Had Flames
“Before she took her pants off she said ‘I have to tell you, I haven’t shaved in a while.’
I was like ‘it’s fine. Neither have I.’
I wasn’t prepared for so much hair.
When we were done, it looked like her thighs had flames.”
29. NSFL, Maybe skip this one
“She told me not to go down on her because she had ‘razor burn’ from shaving. I figured, meh, a couple red bumps, nbd. I should have listened. Every single follicle was a white pustule, some were scabby, some had clearly popped while we were getting into it and were seeping fluid. It was like her entire pubic mound was covered in the worst acne you could imagine. The thought of one of those popping in my mouth made me gag.”
30. He Misunderstood
She told me that she likes to play rough and I thought she meant that she wanted me to be rough. Needless to say half way through sex she flips me on my back and strangles me to the point where I’m about to pass out, my adams apple nearly popped out of my mouth… felt really out of place after that.
31. Long Story Short, She Got Pregnant
“Friend of the guy I was interested in tells me a story about how him and his other friends pulled my future bf’s trunks down. He said it was literally the smallest dick they had ever seen. I thought, okay whatever. One night, things get steamy and he puts a condom on. Next thing I know, he’s inside me. Totally don’t feel a thing. But hey I still liked him. I tried so hard to make it tight for him but it was nearly impossible. I think I strained something. He gets done and goes to clean up. Can’t find the condom. It had slipped off and was inside of me. Yep. Got pregnant. Had his son. We are not together but my poor son has definitely got his dad’s traits down there. I feel so sorry for him.”
32. Narcolepsy
“Nothing boosts the old ego like looking down and she’s passed out cold. Even snoring.
She warned me it might happen, but I wasn’t prepared.
It didn’t work out. And that’s a shame because she was fun (when she was awake).”
33. Female Submissive Babygirl
“He did warn me he is quite submissive but I didn’t expect him to be male version of vulnerable female submissive babygirl with daddy issues. He loses erection when he tries to dominate/manhandle. :(
And he did warn me he could cry but now cries every second time if orgasm is a bit harder.”
34. If she says you don’t need a condom then you definitely need a condom
“I had a girl tell me that I could do anything I wanted basically as long as I didn’t wear a condom because she said ‘I will fucking kill you if you wear a condom’ well fast forward some time I got chlamydia and so did my best friend who had apparently been told the same thing so the important thing to take away from this is that it’s not always the best idea to pick low hanging fruit.”
35. She Like To Bite…A Lot
“I was warned she likes to bite… no biggie, I can handle it pretty rough, not full on s&m but a little pain can be pretty hot. Endorphins were a flowing/I was drunk as hell. I went home that night and I got up the next day and walked outta my room with my shirt off. My roommate looked up and just goes ‘WTF happened to you?!’ I went over to the mirror and counted 37 bite marks all over my chest neck and arms. They stuck around for several weeks. 7/5 would do it again.”
