I’m Not Sure If I Love You, But I’m Sure I Trust You

Love and trust are intertwined ideas for me. Can you love someone without trusting them? Can you trust someone without loving them? I don’t know the answers to those questions. I don’t know if those questions even have definitive answers.

I’m not sure if I love you.

I’m not sure if this desire I feel to be with you is rooted in love or if it’s just comfort. I’m not sure if I really know what love, at least that kind of love, feels like. I’m not sure I could even recognize it if this was it.

I’m not sure if I want a future with you or if you want a future with me. I’m not sure that a future is even possible for us. I’m not sure if we are “forever” people or if we’re just meant to be in each other’s lives for a moment. Sometimes people come around for the sole purpose of helping us heal or teaching us a lesson, then we have to let them go.

Maybe that’s what we are for each other.

Maybe we found each other just to learn how to let someone in, how to let someone really see us. Maybe we found each other to rediscover what trust and real vulnerability look like. Maybe we found each other because profound healing lies in knowing someone sees you and understands you. Maybe we found each other so we know what our hearts are capable of and in what ways our hearts are still unhealed. Maybe we found each other in the dark because we needed a little light to guide us through. Maybe we are each other’s beacon.

I’m not sure if I love you.

I’m not sure if I love who you are, because I don’t think I really know who you are—at least, not yet. I’m not sure if I love the feeling I have when I’m with you and when I see you or if I love you. I’m not sure if what I feel when I’m with you is because of a difference in me or if it’s about you and who you are.

I’m not sure if I love you, but I’m sure I trust you.

I’m sure that I crave your presence because it puts me at ease in a way few people have before. I’m sure that I want you to stay with me and that I want to share all of my secrets with you. I’m sure that my heart feels at peace when you’re around. I’m sure that, even when things get uncomfortable and even when uncertainty creeps in, I trust you.

I trust that you won’t hurt me. I trust that your intentions have both of our best interests at heart. I trust that, at the very least, you won’t leave me feeling broken.

Love and trust are intertwined for me. So maybe I don’t love you, but I’m certain that I trust you.