Strike up a conversation with a stranger.

I hope that in spite of all this you’ll speak well of me and I hope it’s with a smile, the kind of smile that hides a little something at the corners, the kind of smile that people will ask you what are you smiling at?

In the case of “Zombie,” no one really knows more than ten words to it, anyway, so as long as you can shout “Zombay-ay-ay!” and “In your head! In your hay-ay-ay-ead!,” you’re more than in.

The sale products are often in fairly odd places, such as the caps at the ends of rows where no one usually looks, so go hunting for them (or ask for help to find them #noshame).

If something is 120 calories with 48 calories from fat, that’s 40 percent calories from fat, which you can figure out if you cross-multiply.

The one who wants to be with you never lets you forget how special you are.

A gift certificate to their local neighborhood drug dealer, condoms, a body pillow to replace the boyfriend they don’t have, worldwide acceptance of homosexuality, and, of course, a blowjob.

When a friend asks you why you can’t come to an all-night rager, you simply send them a picture of Lindsay Lohan circa today and write, “Because I don’t want this to happen to me.”

I really wish that Laura Linney’s brother murdered her at the end. They need at least one plotline where love actually results in murder.