Latest From
Thought Catalog
-
5 Typical Acts of Politeness That are Inefficient and Should be Banned
What’s especially inefficient is when you stop for me on a busy two-lane road and I have to begin walking in front of you, only to realize that I have to wait for a number of cars going the other direction to pass. This situation can not by its nature have a positive outcome.
-
Eight Ways Twilight is Better Than Real Life
The Twilight series of books/films is widely perceived to be bad, sexist and potentially in possession of a ‘Mormon agenda,’ even by people who have not consumed any of the books or films nor are able to articulate what a ‘Mormon agenda’ is besides ‘having a ton of wives’ or ‘not having sex’ or ‘having…
-
How To Be A 20-Something
Work at a coffee shop but feel hopeful about your career in advertising, writing, whatever. Remember that you’re young and that the world is your oyster. Everything is possible, you still have so much to see and hear. You went to a good school and did good things. Figure if you’re not going to be…
-
Top 10 Animals That Don’t Have Butts
One of the largest, softest, most complex areas of the human body is the ass. That asses are both sexual and fecal seems vaguely confusing. One considers the dual nature of asses and thinks “Freud, did Freud write about this, seems like he didn’t, seems like maybe he didn’t.” Asses are actually pretty rare. They…
-
Top Ten Celebrity Excuses for Acting Completely Insane
The only thing celebrities love more than themselves is lying. Exhaustion, asthma attacks, allergic reactions: These are the official reasons why celebrities do such nutty things but we know the truth. “Asthma” is usually code for coke binge, and “allergic reaction” typically means overdose…
-
Drugs I Will Never Try
If I tried heroin, I would love it so much, I would want to marry it. Not just because it’s heroin and everyone loves it but because that opiate high is my fave. Thank God it kills so many people and usually involves needles. Otherwise, I would be like, “Hi, what’s up? Get into my…
-
How To Become Unsatisfied In a Long-Term Relationship
Feel resigned about the fact that sex sometimes doesn’t happen for weeks. Start to feel apathetic about lack of intimacy, orgasm and physical touch. Become overly silly. Hide the fact that you’re not addressing her problems with jokes, funny voices, inappropriately loud talking and tickling.
-
Things My Five-Year Old Has Said, Which I Have Quoted on Twitter
Eli is my five-year old son. He has an older brother, Slade. Slade writes fiction and spends a substantial amount of time on FlipNotes, so he rarely says anything worth quoting. Eli, on the other hand, has unknown goals and will say things that I feel other people could relate to, so I occasionally quote…
-
Guide To Vague Relationships
A vague relationship basically feels like a real relationship, only it’s harder to tell when it’s okay to cuddle. Vague relationships can last anywhere from 0 to 8 years, but are usually just a few months long. You can have a vague relationship with your co-worker, your friend, your friend’s brother, your brother’s friend, your…
-
How I Met Your Mother Is Really the Anti-Friends
He falls in love with Robin at first sight, foolishly tells her so on their first date, and then makes the dumbest lovesick moves to get her. He’s neurotic, obsessive, nerdy, and a little more into her than she’s into him. So far, so Ross. But unlike Ross, who was genuinely nice to a fault,…
-
20 Memorable Quotes from Grey Gardens
Little Edie: “There are some nice people in the world, you know, I just don’t happen to be related to any of them.” Big Edie: “The cat’s going to the bathroom right in back of my portrait. I’m glad he is. I’m glad somebody’s doing something they want to do.”
-
Not Your Father’s Africa: 6 African Up-And-Comers To Watch
“The problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete,” said Nigerian author Chimamanda Adichie in her popular TED talk “The Danger of a Single Story.” And indeed, the stories about Africa are incomplete.
-
I Was Masturbated At
Apparently some guy thought an awesome way to spend a Wednesday night was to hang out in the dark, pants down with wiener in hand, and wait for some girl to walk by so he can make a loud production out of touching his privates.
-
The Most Popular Places NYU Students Can Be Observed Partying
Otherwise, while partygoers are known to follow a BYOB rule or find a cheap bodega nearby if necessary, cheap apartment parties consume themselves, quickly expending available resources.
-
You’re Not Straight. You’re Not Gay. You’re Not Bisexual Either.
It’s called the Flextuality test, and in a little under 15 minutes you can finally pinpoint your real sexual orientation once and for all. Take the test and you’ll see that there’s basically a range of twelve sexual types, starting with the “heteroflexibles” and the “supersexuals” ending with the last, very vanilla label of “straight.”
-
Five Terrifying Serial Killers in Recent History
The five serial killers cataloged in this article are from Ukraine, the United States, and Japan. When they committed their crimes, they were 19, 48, 32 and 60 years old. Their murders were characterized by, among other practices, bludgeoning with hammers, mutilation, “skin suits,” rape, cannibalization, torture, video taping and necrophilia.
-
Why ‘Breathless’? A Retrospective On Jean-Luc Godard’s Masterpiece
I thought that it was kind of a cliché to be so into it – some of the other students who had seen it even told me that – but I realized that even if that was so, Breathless was still resonating with young audiences, and there was something about it that distinguished it from…
-
One Snort
Then who were those teenage goons sent to frighten us wee children back in grade school with tales of life-ending catastrophe and humbling community service hours spent plucking trash, orange vested, from interstate onramps as a result of being tempted by that white dragon? Were they genuine drug casualties or had they merely gotten caught?…