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Thought Catalog

  • Is Paul McCartney As Big A Tool As We Always Thought? YES.

    Is Paul McCartney As Big A Tool As We Always Thought? YES.

    “There are two kinds of people” arguments usually strike me as cheeky and stale.  But there is one incontestable version of the formulation:  there are two types of people in the world—those who prefer Paul McCartney and those who prefer John Lennon.  Let me tell you a little story.

  • 5 Awesome Things About High School

    5 Awesome Things About High School

    Having been out of high school for six years now, I’m able to look back at my experience with warm fuzzies and nostalgia. The self-loathing, the drama, the devastating outfit choices: It all seems like so much fun in retrospect! Unfortunately, I’ve discovered that the cheese mostly stands alone. Today when the topic of high…

  • An Overly-Intense Track By Track Analysis Of The Second CD Of Joanna Newsom’s ‘Have One On Me’

    An Overly-Intense Track By Track Analysis Of The Second CD Of Joanna Newsom’s ‘Have One On Me’

    You know when it’s not working, and it’s not because you don’t want it to work, but because it just won’t? And so you separate, you go on a ‘break’ so you can figure things out, you realize you need to be alone so that you can think, rediscover the self that has been so…

  • I Have A Few Last Words

    I Have A Few Last Words

    The term “black ice” is a misnomer. Nothing about the thin layer of ice that forms on roadways when condensation from automotive exhausts freezes is black in any way. If black ice was actually black it would be less dangerous, because in cloaking the medians and texture of asphalt with a solid sheet of black…

  • Dear Gay Dude: I Think My Gay Friend Wants To Bone Me

    Dear Gay Dude: I Think My Gay Friend Wants To Bone Me

    Recently, a good friend of mine and former roommate, who happens to be gay, made a pass at me through a facebook message. He knows that I’m straight and threw in, “two thoughts: I want you to be gay, and I want you to be my boyfriend.” Does that mean he respects my straightness and…

  • Five Questions You Should Never Ask Someone

    Five Questions You Should Never Ask Someone

    If you meet someone and they haven’t revealed their sexuality via a comment about the same sex or something similar, you can’t just be like, “Are you gay?” because they might be in the closet or even worse, actually straight (they’re never actually straight though).

  • The Definition of Love

    The Definition of Love

    Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.

  • Ass Hairs: I Have a Problem

    Ass Hairs: I Have a Problem

    My body is similar in touch to a dolphin’s. Yet – and by the title of this article I think you know where I’m going – I have extremely long ass hairs, up to 2-inches. Not only are my ass hairs easily the longest hairs on my body, but I would argue they are longer…

  • The Five Types of Friends Everyone Should Get Rid Of

    The Five Types of Friends Everyone Should Get Rid Of

    You like the party friend, but you actually don’t know a lot about them. Sometimes you wonder if they do normal things during the day like go grocery shopping or run to the post office. You also wonder if they’re actually happy and if so, how they could live this lifestyle you only experience once…

  • Unemployed? Try Sleeping All Day!

    Unemployed? Try Sleeping All Day!

    Stay up late watching TV. Since you can’t afford HBO or Netflix, you’re going to have to endure a lot of commercials unless you use my trick of checking out DVDs from the library. Staying up cuddling with your remote tonight paves the way for hours of unconsciousness tomorrow.

  • How to Live in Los Angeles

    How to Live in Los Angeles

    Go to a coffee shop at 3:00 in the afternoon to apply for jobs and find it packed. Wonder how people actually make a living here. Everyone always talks about a new exciting project in the works and drives a BMW, but they’re still hanging out at Coffee Bean in the middle of the afternoon…

  • Almost Transparent Blue by Ryu Murakami

    Almost Transparent Blue by Ryu Murakami

    Almost Transparent Blue (1976) was written by Ry? Murakami (b. 1952) while he was a student at Musashino Art University, where he was enrolled in the sculpture program. It was his first novel and was awarded the Akutagawa Prize (Japan’s “most sought after” literary prize; previous winners include Kobo Abe and Kenzaburo Oe) and sold…

  • Why The Internet Chose Cats

    Why The Internet Chose Cats

    Popular themes for internet cat pictures suggest that the cat is perplexed by his/her environment; the cat is demanding of something in a regal fashion [cats may often be implied to be ‘overlords’ or ruling-class characters from science-fiction movies]; the cat is excited to have succeeded at something while remaining oblivious to the practicality of…

  • You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

    You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

    A girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder.

  • Dating a Privileged White Girl

    Dating a Privileged White Girl

    She was immersed in things I’d only heard of before, like Debutantes, season tickets to the Orange County Performing Arts Center, new Volvo sedans, Pescetarianism, Whole Foods, art show openings, family alumni in Ivy League universities, famous relatives who were active or once active in the art world…

  • The Evolution of A Typical Long-Term Monogamous Relationship

    The Evolution of A Typical Long-Term Monogamous Relationship

    Such moments become fiercely guarded, protected and cherished memories and subsequently, the recall of such memories is often the precursor to small mental breakdowns, large mental breakdowns, and evolution-of-a-relationship montages in movies, specifically circa 1980 and 1990.

  • Five Emotions Invented By The Internet

    Five Emotions Invented By The Internet

    During this time the individual will have several windows open, generally several browser ‘tabs,’ a Microsoft Word document in some state of incompletion, the individual’s own Facebook page as well as that of another randomly-selected individual who may or may not be on the ‘friends’ list, 2-5 Gchat conversations that are no longer immediately active,…

  • 10 Clichés About Relationships & Sex That Are Worth Questioning

    10 Clichés About Relationships & Sex That Are Worth Questioning

    Sex involving two partners shouldn’t have anything to do with Victoria Secret catalogs, Penelope Cruz, or any TV/movie love/romance/sex scene that once impressed you so deeply that it’s actually become a part of your sexual repertoire. Sex doesn’t have to be loud, it doesn’t have to be graceful, and you don’t have to roll your…