Jimmy Chen

  • Contraceptive Methods Ranked By Male Pleasure

    Contraceptive Methods Ranked By Male Pleasure

    Method: Condom Summary: Sperm is thwarted. Commentary: Our general ambivalence with condoms is more than just sensory. It is existential, for the male has an anthropological imperative to inseminate his partner in order to propagate his genes.

  • What Your Shoes Say About You

    What Your Shoes Say About You

    You buy vegetables at farmer's market -- carrying their ostentatiously exposed stems and leaves in an artistic canvas tote bag purchased at Etsy -- and render them into soup that day while listening to NPR solemnly address contemporary issues.

  • On Being Sodomized

    On Being Sodomized

    The sodomy was clinical in nature, and thus concede to using the word with liberty.

  • VH1’s 100 Greatest Artists Of All Time

    VH1’s 100 Greatest Artists Of All Time

    LL Cool J -- I liked how he kept licking his lips in "Going Back to Cali"; seemed like obsessive compulsive disorder, but since he's a stud no one called him out on that.

  • What Your Relationship Status Says About You

    What Your Relationship Status Says About You

    Regular sexual intercourse two or three times a week, usually Thursday nights after The Office and on the weekend; Saturday date night dinner at ethnic fusion restaurant whose assimilation of Southeast-Asian or Latin flavors one earnestly abridges with "wow."

  • Overview Of Cheetos Puffs

    Overview Of Cheetos Puffs

    We shall discover herein analytical aspects of our subject, punctuated by commentary of a more personal sort, starting right here with a description of the emotional status necessary to get Cheetos Puffs. One does not wish to live any longer, but still wants their final moments filled with joy.

  • Ass Hairs: I Have a Problem

    Ass Hairs: I Have a Problem

    My body is similar in touch to a dolphin's. Yet - and by the title of this article I think you know where I'm going - I have extremely long ass hairs, up to 2-inches. Not only are my ass hairs easily the longest hairs on my body, but I would argue they are longer…