All The Ways To Categorize Your Instagram Stories
The one where you make everyone hear about the recipe you’re trying but then it turns out horribly so you delete it but now the 72 people who stuck by you through this shitty ordeal are now pissed.
By 
Kim Quindlen
1. The ‘Not a bad day at the office’ photo where you’re NOT AT THE OFFICE YOU’RE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND YOU’RE BEING FUN AND PLAYFUL ABOUT IT. Usually you’re at the beach and everyone hates you for it.
2. The casual cocktail photo that includes the location of the trendy restaurant you’re at so that everyone thinks you’re doing something cool tonight because you ARE.
3. The casual cocktail photo that includes the location of the trendy restaurant you’re at so that everyone thinks you’re doing something cool tonight but you AREN’T you just had that one cocktail and now you’re going home because you’re gassy but you spent $42 on dinner so you might as well get a receipt that proves that you go out sometimes.
4. A poll where the two answer options are practically the SAME and participants simply cannot win.
5. The one where you make everyone hear about the recipe you’re trying but then it turns out horribly so you delete it but now the 72 people who stuck by you through this shitty ordeal are now pissed.
6. The one that is a pretty building with snow on the roof but it’s not your house WHOSE HOUSE is this what if they saw you taking this photo you need to be CAREFUL.
7. The one with avocados in it.
8. The one where you’re wishing Ainsley a happy birthday by using a photo that you look good in and Ainsley looks okay in. Must include the phrase “ILY” in that silver metallic-y font.
9. General humble brag.
10. Relationship humble brag.
11. The one that’s just a series of photos of your pet but no one minds looking through these but mostly THESE ARE FOR YOU.
12. A boomerang of Jessica being silly.
13. The one where you’re holding a glass of wine out in front of you but you’re holding it at a weird angle because you don’t want your thumb to look fat.
14. The one where you’re holding a glass of wine but not at a weird angle because you forgot to worry about your fat thumb and now you’re realizing a couple hours later that wow your thumb does look fat here.
15. The one where you take a video of your 11 friends when you’re out to dinner and it’s literally just you filming everyone around the table doing nothing interesting but it’s still a great receipt for the fact that sometimes you go out to dinner with a big group isn’t that fun that you do that.
16. The one you post of someone’s baby but you don’t explain whose baby it is and people are pissed by the lack of instant information. Are you pulling a Kylie Jenner? UNCLEAR.
17. The one that uses the “superzoom” edit so it’s 10/10 funny every time.
18. The one that you use to admit to everyone you’re watching The Bachelor and it’s better this way because now you control the story of you watching The Bachelor.
19. The one that’s a selfie of you at the gym and it says “grind” but it’s funny because you’re being ironic.
20. The one that’s a photo of your friend that says THIS GIRL across it in giant writing and your friend is candidly laughing at the camera.
21. The one of your beautiful latte that we all totally dig even though we don’t want to like it.
22. The one of an airplane wing HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING IN THAT PLANE?
23. A boomerang of the ocean and people have to stare at it for at least 13 seconds to figure out if it’s a video or a boomerang this is important.
24. The one that’s a photo of a new book in your lap but then you’ll get distracted so you won’t start it until next week.
25. The one where you’re wearing glasses in it that’s different.
26. The boomerang of your candle flame flickering in search of its lost love.
27. The one of the sunset it’s fine.
28. Another video of you at a restaurant with a big group of people except this time it’s 9 people instead of 11 but they’re still not doing anything interesting but it’s still an important receipt.
29. The one that’s just a photo of your dad and you just write his first name in a large font across the photo but in a diagonal direction.
30. The one of an airplane wing again OH YOU MUST BE FLYING HOME WHERE WERE YOU.
31. The one with three tacos in it this is your best work. 
