I Am Ready To Surrender Myself To Love

I would like to surrender myself to someone, but not in the old-school, submissive kind of way. I am far from a damsel in distress. In this fairy tale, hoped to be a dream that comes true, the heroine is rewarded with a love that proves to be worth the wait. 

Today, young girls are encouraged to be independent and refrain from showing signs of weakness. We uphold an impenetrable shield in attempts to keep ourselves safe. The tables have turned, and the once gentle, delicate, vulnerable, and dependent beings known as ‘the female’ have become providers and leaders capable of making their own decisions. We adapted a boldness that our ancestors could only dream of, but have we allowed our newfound strength to weaken our ability to receive love? This is quite possible.

To say that we become afraid of letting our guard down is an understatement. I cannot speak for all women, but sometimes I get tired of scrolling through the romance film selection on Netflix or searching for yet another romance novel to dive into. I admit that I am guilty of putting myself in the female character’s shoes and imagine myself being on the receiving end of a love that almost seems to only exist in the fairy tales. After a while, I begin to ask myself if I am the only one who craves this enchanting feeling. Is it just me who yearns for the day when a person’s voice, face, and smile make me light-headed and totally forget my name and the time of day?

When I say that I wish to surrender myself to someone, I do not mean that I will give someone the ability to control me. I surely do not need a commander in chief of my every move, but I would like to say that my heart belongs to someone. I mean that I am ready to listen, trust, and hand my full heart over to someone deserving of all that I have to offer. I have reached a point where I am comfortable enough to share my past, thoughts, opinions, and new memories with someone. I am prepared to soften my exterior and allow love to seep in. I am ready to be someone’s priority, their first thought when they open their eyes in the morning, and the last person they pray for at night. I have a long list of goals; some days, I imagine what it would feel like to have my own personal cheerleader in the stands. I want to feel safe and secure in someone’s arms. The love that I yearn will continuously reassure me with actions, not just words.

I am patiently waiting for the day when I can fill someone up with the love that is threatening to burst out of me. To him, I will give, and give, and give some more. I will show him the meaning of infinity. I will provide a love that promises to last for an eternity. I continue to tell myself that holding out for mutuality and reciprocation cannot be a crime.

Maybe this is a form of grandiose thinking. Perhaps I am just a dreamer. There is a possibility that I only speak for hopeless romantics. Still, I believe that I can be the epitome of a strong female bred in the modern age but also be the damsel who is vulnerable and deserving of passionate love.