To The Pushovers, You Don’t Always Have To ‘Kill Them With Kindness’

I’m one, and there are life situations that make me realize it’s time to change. It’s time to be a tough nut and stop letting people walk over and take advantage of me.

When you’re a pushover, you let everything slip away even if you know you need to deal with it, or fight for it. You always (and right away) say it’s okay after someone says sorry no matter how petty or grave their actions were. Or worse, you don’t let them know they’re doing you wrong. You let others win. And to be brutally honest, you teach them how to take you for granted.

It may not be always necessary to express your side or insist on what you feel, but I hope that when it makes you feel already uncomfortable, you’ll let them know. Because believe me, if you’re unfairly outwitted, you’ll feel it. You’ll know it. And I hope you won’t always let things that way. I hope you confront the person and the situation.

When people notice you’re someone who just says yes, you make them think that you don’t have feelings to be considered. They won’t empathize with you anymore. They will assume you’re always okay with anything so eventually they will take advantage of it. When you let the cashier shortchange you even with a cent, when you don’t tell the wait staff they’ve given you the wrong order, when your boss attributes your good proposal to somebody else but you don’t refute, or when you just laugh along with your friends after they have offended you with a joke, you’re making life walk over you. And that’s a big, big burden that can hinder you from truly enjoying your life.

Being a pushover will make your heart heavy, because you fill it with words you should’ve said, feelings you should’ve expressed, rights you should’ve fought for. And it’s literally sickening as you think about those things you could’ve dealt with but you didn’t. It makes you look down on your own worth.

It is absolutely not a sin to be a pushover. But it’s like being against yourself. You’re not exercising your own freedom. Maybe it’s become natural to you, or you just love the way it goes that you don’t think of it as something negative. However, you better look at its downside because it’s for your own sake. Look at it because you might be missing on self-love, and self-love entails other people’s respect. Don’t be afraid to voice out. Don’t be shy to say no. Don’t compromise your rights for the sake of others. Don’t be too scared to hurt their feelings.

It doesn’t mean you have to stop being kind, because being kind is not limited to being a pushover. You can still be kind even if you decline the sales offers of a customer service representative, even if you correct your friend’s grammatical errors, even if you tell your teammate that his suggestion is a bit off, or even if you choose not to be dictated on by your parents.

You can still be kind even if you choose yourself, because kindness is an art of balancing everyone’s good—including yours.

You don’t need to be conceited. You don’t need to be condescending. You don’t need to be rude. In order for you to be tough, you just have to widen your perspectives. You have to see yourself in it, not just them. So don’t always kill them with kindness.

Show them you also deserve to be respected.