Game Recognize Game So Stop Texting My Boyfriend

She’s your ex. She’s not even a recent ex and you didn’t date for very long. It was not a significant relationship. You have none of the same friends anymore, if you ever did, and you have nothing to talk about. You ended it with her because she was immature and as you predicted she wouldn’t, she went totally nuts on you at the time. She threw out all the last ditch cards — she told you she loved you, she asked you to marry her, she claimed she was pregnant. She didn’t handle the break up (after you only dated for like, 12 seconds) maturely and you knew — KNEW — she wouldn’t because she’d been irrational throughout the whole relationship. That’s why you were breaking up with her. You didn’t want to put up with insanity anymore. Ergo, there’s no reason to talk to this person. No reason. You know that.

And now she’s texting you. Pretending to be drunk. Talking about all the beers she’s had and how she’s soooo sloppy right now and omg, remember that time you guys went to see that HORRIBLE Terminator movie, LOL MEMORIEZ. So QT!

Nope. Shut it down. Shut. It. Down.

You don’t respond, but you don’t want to outright tell her to stop because you think it’s mean. You think she’ll get the hint eventually if you just keep ignoring it. You don’t want to engage her in any confrontation because it might just be exactly what she wants. (That’s a “Catch 22” with an ex-gf so a…Snatch 22?)

“What?” you say. “She’s not into me. She’s just being drunk and weird. She’ll stop soon.”

Am I stupid? Do I look stupid to you? Does she think I’m stupid? I know you love me, guy and I know you don’t respond to her so this isn’t about you. You’re not doing anything wrong. You don’t encourage or engage her. If anything, when she texts, you shake your head and delete it. I see you do it. You hug me close and say, “Hey. I’m with you now, come on. She’s pathetic. Let’s go get some pizza.” You’re doing being a boyfriend correctly.

So this isn’t a matter of blaming the chick over the boyfriend, because in this case, the chick is the one to blame.

To this girl: Listen up. As they say, “game recognize game.” Game. Recognize. Game. You think I don’t know what you’re up to? I know exactly what you’re up to. You think you’re being cute? You’re not. You think you’re being clever? You’re not. You think he doesn’t show me your texts? You think he’s not responding because what? Because he soooo secretly wants your crazy ass back? You think he’s delighted by your drunken walks down memory lane? What is your end game, girl? You’re not being a good person. You’re being terrible.

And sure, sisterhood. Chicks before dicks. Girl power! But being pro-woman or kind to other women or whatever doesn’t mean rolling over for someone who is clearly doing the wrong thing. You are wrong, as a human, and you are throwing yourself at a taken man. It’s pretty black-and-white. He didn’t want you then and he doesn’t want you now. Harsh reality: Blowing up his phone won’t change that.

I am on to you. Game recognize game. Because here’s the rub, girl. No one is flawless. Have I been you? Of course I’ve been you! We’ve all been you in some way or another. We’ve all missed an ex. We’ve all sent ill-advised texts. We’ve all be self-destructive on the roads of love and dating. And because I’ve been you, I know you.

I know you don’t just want to reminisce and I know you think you’ve got a shot, but you don’t. You don’t and it’s sad and I get it. It sucks to be you. But you’re not doing yourself any favors by not moving on. You’re not treating yourself or other people kindly with this sort of behavior. You’re spiraling down into something not good, and you’re trying to take others with you.

Stop texting my boyfriend. Try and be better than that.