What Your Beauty Icon Says About You

Women’s magazines implore us to choose a beauty icon, a figure in media who we admire and want to look like. There are a handful of these icons who will go down in history solely for their aspirational faces.

Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”

Have you ever actually SEEN this movie, or do you just have the poster on your wall? You know what it’s about, right? The Truman Capote novella this was based on makes it pretty clear your precious Holly Golightly is a call girl and “Fred” is a gay man. You probably have wall art reading “Live, Laugh, Love” in your home and some sort of wine-centric decor. You admire Audrey in this movie because you think she’s “classy” and to honor her, you and your friends have “classy nights” where you all wear black dresses and drink from plastic martini glasses.

Liz Taylor

Either you really, really like to drink and fight or you just wanna look exactly like the Most Beautiful Woman to Ever Live. No, seriously. Elizabeth Taylor was the most beautiful woman for her entire life. Google pictures of her as a child. Thank me later. I can’t hate on you for this one, because a) violet eyes and b) DOUBLE ROWS of eyelashes.

Marilyn Monroe

Either you’re blonde, super-curvy, have daddy issues or just believe she said all those idiotic fake quotes that circulate around Pinterest. (“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” was Bette Midler, FYI.) You think that being a mess is charming to men and makes them want to save you from yourself. You like red lipstick.

Kate Moss

You read a lot of fashion magazines and fantasize about sleeping with rock stars. You wear a lot of pleather because you can’t afford real leather pants. The ashtray in your car is overflowing.

Beyonce

You get a pass because Bey is EVERYONE’S beauty icon right now and it’s totally fine. I prefer Ciara though.

Olsen Twins

You eat a lot of kale. You never brush your hair. You’re super avant-garde in your style and musical taste, but you definitely know all of the songs from the old-school MK&A kiddie movies. I won’t tell.

Kardashian sisters

You LOVE spray tans. You wear a lot of platform pumps. You shop at Bebe. You might have French tips. Your favorite drink is neon green. You crash a lot of cars because you’re busy taking selfies in the driver’s seat.

Tina Turner

You appreciate the allure of big hair and defined cheekbones. You have great legs. You’re very popular at weddings.

Any Old Hollywood actress

Have you ever seen any old movies? Probably not. You probably wouldn’t like them. Those photos you love are the result of a ton of crazy lighting. You get dressed up to go to the gas station. Oh, and watch their movies.

Brigitte Bardot

You’re too blinded the gorgeous hair of her youth to realize she’s a racist, homophobic old woman now. It happens to the best of us. She did have such beautiful hair.

Grace Jones

You dance to the beat of a different drum. You’re fearless. You drive really fast.

Lynda Carter in “Wonder Woman”

Good choice. Were you a baby feminist? Were you the girl who always beat up the boys on the playground but still won homecoming queen?

Gwyneth Paltrow

You probably had an overbearing mom who was super-thin and into health food. Your cereal as a child was flavorless cardboard Kashi. You always get Taco Bell when you’re drunk.

Any French actress ever

You’re obsessed with looking effortless. You throw around the word “chic.” You wear a lot of perfume. You smoke even though you don’t like it.