It Wasn’t Me, It Was You

I know that sometimes you have to take the loss. You have to accept what you can’t change because holding onto something bad is never the answer.

But after all this time, after everything that happened, everything that went wrong, I want you to think about one thing.

It was never the wrong time, you were just the wrong one.

I know now that I should never have to beg for someone to care. I should never have to make excuse after excuse, spend time making sure someone is happy even when I’m losing myself.

That’s what you taught me.

And maybe you were a milestone, another lesson to learn, another thing to get over.

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, you weren’t the only good thing in my life. You weren’t worth fighting for. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think I knew that long before it was over.

I knew that you could never be the one to give me the kind of love I deserve. The kind of love that I gave to you.

Looking back it was only ever one sided. And for that, I cannot forgive you. I can move past it, I can get my old self back but there are things that you took that I can’t find anymore. And that feeling doesn’t just go away overnight.

But I want you to know that blaming the situation or the circumstance doesn’t cut it.

You were the one that changed. When I really needed you, when I thought you were going to be there, you weren’t. I spent so much much of my energy hoping that if I held on, if I gave you more and more of me, that maybe, you would show me the same love in return.

Maybe it makes you feel better, less guilty or more like a man saying that it was my fault. Pretending that I couldn’t be what or who you wanted or thought I was.

But the truth is, I was everything you could have hoped for, and for you, it still wasn’t enough.

So please, whatever you do now, wherever you find yourself and whoever you chose next, just know that you can’t love someone until you love yourself.

And you can’t expect care and affection if you aren’t willing to do give the same way that you get.

There are still some nights when I think about you. When I hope that you’re doing well even though I know that I never cross your mind.

It might have taken a little longer than I wanted, but I know now that there is no one to blame but you.

I know that forgetting you, forgetting everything that we did and said together will only help me heal.

But I also know myself. And I know you, even if you tried for so long to keep me at arm’s length. I would say that I wish you the best, but my heart wouldn’t be in it.

All I can say now is that it happened. We happened. While I am growing and changing from it, I know that you are still standing still.

And I guess that sometimes, that’s the only kind of ending anyone gets.