Jimmy Chen

Tom Hanks has embraced many roles where his characters haplessly struggle in the modern condition, to ultimately find themselves. Were it not for Hanks’ subtle charm and humane generosity as an actor, such “Hollywood endings” might be trite, but they are not; rather, they mark the journey of common man. That many of them somehow involve the ocean, and its vicinity, will be examined herein.

I am an Administrative Analyst—wherein the word anal resides like some etymological hemorrhoid deep within my seat. Keep telling myself Kafka had a day job, an effect with diminishing returns as the years roll by and I still haven’t turned into an insect.

The plural of grill is not grills but “grillz”; such liberty in spelling has rhetorical agenda which stem from disenfranchised urban communities asserting their own vernacular as a form of cultural dissent and self-empowerment. The usurpation of plural ‘s’ to ‘z’ is recognized as “street cred.”

Ever more pigeon-holed as the “stressed out protagonist,” what follows is an in depth analysis of some of Leonardo DiCaprio’s more notable works, from which the said description is derived. This contributor apologizes for any glibness, a tone employed in aid of pedestrian honesty.

Another description of Super Pii Pii Brothers reads “promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing,” and Freud is dragged on stage yet again to talk about penis envy.

The performance is to demonstrate the adroit ways they can maneuver their lower backs for the missionary position, the poor ottoman acting as supine recipient of such techniques.

Empires fall and new ones take their place. The moat around the United States, as we approach economic- and/or otherwise-demise, is rimmed with oil and guarded by an army of obese patriots. Drill, baby, drill! the 2008 Republican campaign slogan goes, unabashedly alluding to their illicit/implicit relations with oil companies.

Upon entering the MTV-subsidized unit, the two say “Damn” and “Dang,” respectively, in tribute the awesomeness of the place. Sorrentino quickly finds the hot tub, and mentions how it will be used.

To call someone a “bro” is a hyper-heterosexual form of endearment; to pronounce it bra is to increase that sentiment by two- or three-fold. That “bra” is short for brassiere has nothing do to with this venture.

It’s endearing how the detached cynicism with which hipsters confront their surroundings is tempered by a sentimentality for “old” things, namely, these circa 80’s photos—and how those compromised photos resembled the inception of photography in the 1840’s.

The aesthetics of suburban alienation in popular/alt music have long since been employed by The Smiths, Radiohead, Green Day, to just name a few—for that is what every kid wants: to feel alone (from their parents) yet somehow part of something larger (a culture). Short of a better generic phrase, “Rock & Roll” is essentially a romantic movement.

A face is a most honest thing. I’ve become accustomed to “The German”: mouth agape, the hint of a deep smile, eyes closed in pure abandonment. Happiness, or at least its notion, can be cruel.

Recently single again, I started an OkCupid account out of a mixture of hope and despair, the latter towards which I’m slowly ambling. The income array looks like a highly pixilated image zoomed in at 1400%. Squint at it long enough and it begins to resemble, well, nothing.

The attacks of September 11, 2001 are about man—though those men would argue, and others have fervently joined this argument, that it’s about God. By “man” I mean post-imperialism, terrorism, war, and our existential responsibility over our actions.

The man ends with a rhetorical question, “So ladies, should your man smell like an old spice man?” while, bearing his ultimate manifestation, is straddling a motor cycle and holding the product in hand. If you listen closely, you’ll hear the engine running, implication being that after the fade out he’ll ride to some woman’s house and make Old Spice redolent love — though that would never happen.